Jump to content


Photo

Newbie 8 weeks quit but struggling and needs support please.

hope depression rage anger

  • Please log in to reply
27 replies to this topic

#1 PinkSapphire

PinkSapphire

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 5 posts
  • quitdate:
    2017-11-22
  • LocationAustralia

Posted 12 January 2018 - 04:40 PM

Hello. I'm new here I'm so happy to be able to be here on this board. As of this evening I am 8 weeks Quit. But it really has nearly cost me my mind and although the physical cravings have long gone, mentally I have never ever felt so despondent and disconnected as I feel now. I am wondering if this is within the range of normal or my experiences are worse than most?

 

 I have been a smoker since my mid teens which was over 40+ years ago. Of course like everyone I just didn't start smoking a packet a day but I have never stopped and yep, ended up smoking a good packet (between 20-30 cigs) every day. My husband smoked too.  We have been married 35 years and we have never known each other without smoking.  I knew my husband had some health issues from too many decades of drinking and smoking and he had been undergoing tests on his heart and whilst we were waiting for the latest MRI results of his heart, he had a cardiac arrest here at home. He had just lit his latest cigarette - and would turn out to be his last. This was 10 weeks ago tonight. Luckily I had just got home from work and even more luckily the CPR I did on him (pure beginners luck) was enough to get nudge his heart back into a rhythm and he came around. The ambulance came and so started a pretty big event in our lives culminating in open heart surgery for a double by-pass and also a defibullator inserted into his chest. He is only 55.years old. He spent 5 days instead of the normal 2 in the ICU due to the added complication of pneumonia (his lungs clearly weren't in great shape) and he spent a total of 19 days in hospital. OK so I wasn't ignorant or living under a rock, this really didn't come as a great shock to me, I know about consequences etc of poor life choices so what could I expect?- I knew this day would come when we would HAVE to give up. I think if we smokers are honest, that's true for most. Well for me that day HAD come. I had to stop just as hubby had too. We were in this together. 

 

I started out with patches but I couldn't get them to stick on me. I even tried band aids and then sticky tape over the band aids but to no use. I think my body rejected the glue or whatever it is that sticks them to the skin. After about 4 days I just gave up and thought I'd do it cold turkey and that's what I did. Just waited and actually found out it wasn't quit as unmanageable as I imagined it would be. It was tough for sure and I was tested but I felt strong in my resolve so all in all the first week wasn't too bad. The second week however was hell. I felt like I had a bad flu, with everything aching and no energy and not being able to sleep. I started to unravel and felt so horrible but I just rode it out. But then the depression hit me around week 3 onwards and I seriously started having some very bad thoughts. Without wanting to sound dramatic, I questioned if life was worth living. All of a sudden my world that had been in colour was grey and bleak. I became a stranger to myself. I have always been happy and optimistic by nature so the change was dramatic.  I read up where depression can be normal so I just waited for it to pass too, for me to turn a corner, for things to get better. But they didn't. I felt worse each day and the dark thoughts persisted. I knew I was in trouble so went to my Dr's for help. He gave me a script for Zyban and I was relieved that there was something that might make this hellish ride a bit smoother for me. I was taking two tablets a day and didn't really notice anything in the way of feeling different but then after about a week to 10 days the despair I was feeling began to subside but in it's place was anger, resentment and rage. I have never ever to the pit of my stomach felt such anger. I persevered for another week on the tablets but the anger never left and I couldn't believe what a horrible person and how hate filled I was. So I stopped taking them. I am now 8 weeks quit and I am no longer angry but I am sad to realise that I have absolutely no joy in my life. It is ironic but I feel that something inside of me has been extinguished. I have lost something and I feel lost. I am so hoping that this is not my forever. I don't like this at all. I can't believe that smoking actually made me feel and act happy by the pleasure I got from smoking  and now I have to adjust to that loss of pleasure and maybe that is why I am struggling so much. This quit for me is all mental, and I think I was so worried about the physical withdrawals and never really thought about the mental side of it. But this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I have been through chemotherapy for breast cancer and hand on heart I would do that again over this, but I never want to go through those first 3-7 weeks post quit again in my life and I know if I smoke then the time will come where I have to do it again. That is my motivation to stay quit.

 

I'm sorry to have rambled on so much but this has all just been going round my head for so long and I have needed an outlet where I know I will be understood and not judged. I have just been real and honest here to try to have feedback from others as to if this is somewhat normal and will pass and that soon  I will be in a world of colour again. Thanks in advance. PSx

 

 


  • Rozuki, Huntressd, snowywinter and 3 others like this

#2 Jillar

Jillar

    Nothing Worthwhile Comes Easily

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 13,009 posts
  • quitdate:
    2016-05-29
  • LocationIn my living room

Posted 12 January 2018 - 05:13 PM

​Welcome PinkSapphire and congratulations on that great quit you have going. Everything you're feeling is completely normal and given time you will be back to your happy self, but it will take time. I, like you, smoked for a very long time and never met my adult me. Everything I knew for the past 35 years involved smoking so the triggers were everywhere. I was sad, mad, anxious, irritable, you name it. But then one day I woke up in the best mood I had been in in years and even sang in the shower! And that's when I knew the clouds were parting. So please go easy on yourself, allow your body to heal from all the damage. Post and vent here as that really helps and it will slowly get better :)

P.s. I'm glad that your hubby is ok :)


  • snowywinter and blzinpgh like this

image.png?base_img=5&size=0&date_yr=2016


1zzrf54.jpg

 


 

Things began to get better when I realized I would remain quit even if things never got any better.

Christian99 16 Years Quit

We say here that it is better to be a nonsmoker with the occasional desire to smoke than a smoker with the constant desire to quit. Marciem
Being successful doesn't mean that you'll never GET to smoke again. It means that you'll never HAVE to smoke again.


#3 snowywinter

snowywinter

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 678 posts
  • quitdate:
    2017-09-21
  • LocationUSA

Posted 12 January 2018 - 05:24 PM

Hi and welcome. Can't add much to what Jill has said except to say that approaching 4 months I still have my moments but not as intense as in the first few months. I still feel something is missing but I smoked for 52 years and everything I did involved smoking. Commit to one year here and everyone here will help you ride out the storm. I have some good days mixed in with the bad but I will continue to hang on to that rope. You are doing great. Just keep at it. Hope all is well soon for you and your husband.
  • Huntressd likes this

#4 Kazza

Kazza

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 787 posts
  • quitdate:
    2017-01-01
  • LocationUK

Posted 12 January 2018 - 06:07 PM

Welcome, I am so pleased you have decided to quit, you really have made the best decision ever.

 

At the start of a quit, we all go through different feelings and emotions which can really make you despair, but trust me this is all normal and I promise it does get easier and better. You will get to the point you don't have cravings any more and any triggers in the end are just a fleeting thought that does not even penetrate the mind... just "I used to do that!"

 

Be kind to yourself you are doing brilliant


image.png?base_img=4&size=0&date_yr=2016


#5 Treetop

Treetop

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 815 posts
  • quitdate:
    2016-07-11
  • LocationNortheast

Posted 12 January 2018 - 06:33 PM

Welcome and congratulations on your 8 weeks. What you are feeling is normal. You are going through a process that is very similar to mourning. It does get easier with time as you learn a new way of life without the cigarette crutch. Keep hanging onto to that rope. You are really doing great.

#6 Christian99

Christian99

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 386 posts
  • quitdate:
    2001-12-11
  • LocationUpstate New York

Posted 12 January 2018 - 06:48 PM

Welcome, Pink.  Your post resonates with me for a couple of reasons, not least of which because I certainly experienced the quit-related despondency and fear that you describe.  I was pretty miserable in the early stages, and I've never forgotten that misery.  But when I was going through that I wish I knew how extraordinary and transformative the process would ultimately be--it has absolutely changed my life. 

 

And it SAVED my life, which gets at another reason why your post spoke to me.  I quit when I was 33, but when I was 40, I suffered a major heart attack and cardiac arrest.  Thus, I have a sense of some of the challenges that your partner is currently facing in his recovery--challenges, by the way, that most certainly will affect you as well.  In my own case, I only survived my event because I was already quit; more relevantly, though, my (not so easy, and multifaceted) recovery was (and continues to be) aided by the lessons and habits I developed as a result of my quit.  While I had the advantage of having much more time under my belt when I had to go through that, I'll bet that you and your spouse can leverage the things you're learning as you're strengthening your smoke-free lives in your equally important project of rehabbing his heart and reframing your lives.  Regarding the latter, a major cardiac event can sometimes have profound psychological and even spiritual dimensions (for the patient and immediate family); thus, don't be shy about benefitting from the insights of a trusted therapist as you go through it. 

 

Wishing you all the best--

 

Christian99

16 Years Quit


  • Rozuki and Huntressd like this

#7 Frank

Frank

    As good as it gets.!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 8,480 posts
  • LocationCalifornia USA

Posted 12 January 2018 - 07:01 PM

Holy Friday!!  That is one long introduction   :grin:   Welcome to QSMB  PS. 


 

Nov 6, 2011 I decided " I had enough with this sh*t "

I quit because I just got tired of the life under a rock, dark and with not enough air to breathe waiting for the day to get crushed!

Alcohol to a quit is like Kryptonite to Superman

Stop, Think and then React. Not React,Stop and then Think

Practice does not make it perfect, makes it permanent. Practice the right things!

Quitting is by far the best decision for the rest of your life.

If a Doctor gives you 6 months to live, would you start living after the first three? Quit now!

" I am a puff away form a pack a day"

Once you stop puffing or having Nicotine in any form, then and only then your symptoms will stop.

I quit with a frozen turkey. Once I felt comfortable with my quit,  I ate it.

Life is such a good teacher, that if you don't learn the lesson it will repeat it to you.

 

 

 


#8 sslip

sslip

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 49 posts
  • quitdate:
    2018-01-09
  • LocationUK

Posted 12 January 2018 - 07:13 PM

Welcome PS. All of the other guys here that have responded have more experience in the quit than I do, so the advice they give will be better informed.

 

What I did want to add though is that you sound like one impressive, tough cookie. To be still standing after all that you have been through shows great strength.

 

Please don't forget to look after yourself in all of this and as Kazza says be kind to yourself.  Don't underestimate the amount you are going through and make sure you get the help you deserve at this time.

 

Wishing you and your husband well.


  • Huntressd likes this

#9 mickey34

mickey34

    Newbie

  • Members
  • Pip
  • 4 posts

Posted 12 January 2018 - 07:19 PM

You are doing great.  This will pass.  I am only 7 weeks into my last cigarette and have experienced all kinds of physical ailments.  My son quit along with me and his ailments have all been emotional.  He is having a hard time with depression.  Somehow you know this will subside and it will!  hang in there and just know you have support anytime you need it.  Congratulations for facing the hurdle head on.  It shows character and strength and you'll be so proud and healthy when all this passes. No longer do people stand far off from me because I reeked like stale cigarettes.  My hands no longer stink, my breath no longer stinks, my clothes no longer stink and my teeth are becoming white again.  Visualize yourself as a beautiful confident and healthy woman who finally beat that cigarette demon down.  You can do it!! The benefits definitely outweigh the struggle!!


  • Jillar and Huntressd like this

#10 brand.new.ela

brand.new.ela

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 353 posts
  • LocationBerlin, Germany

Posted 12 January 2018 - 07:31 PM

Pink Sapphire, I wish you and you’re husband all the best. You’ve gone through a lot recently and your current reaction may be your body’s and mind’s response to the recent stress, in addition to the withdrawal phase.

This being said, if the feelings are difficult to handle, do not hesitate to ask for a second doctor opinion and other medicine. Your body is nicotine-free now so it doesn’t necessarily need to be zyban that you reacted bad to. Mental health is equally important as physical health.
  • sslip likes this

event.png

 

30ksjlf.jpg

 

 


#11 jordan7

jordan7

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 5,591 posts
  • quitdate:
    2015-02-25

Posted 12 January 2018 - 07:51 PM

I can relate to much of your post, Pink Sapphire, and send along my best wishes and the assurance that it does get at least somewhat easier as the weeks and months add up, just not always as quickly as we hope.  I think that when quitting smoking is necessitated by a major lifestyle change brought on by health issues coming to a head (whether your health or your partners), you are dealing with both the withdrawal and loss of the"smoking lifestyle" along with the lifestyle changes associated with the ill health and recovery -- and sometimes it's difficult untangle your feelings about both issues as you are dealing with them side by side.  This could happen in the face of any major loss (job, relationship, loved one) which might occur early(ish) in your quit. Take good care of yourself, and take advantage of the support and understanding of many folks here who are, or have been, in similar circumstances.


  • Huntressd and sslip like this

#12 breath

breath

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,114 posts
  • LocationWarwickshire

Posted 12 January 2018 - 08:26 PM

You have be put through the wringer, to say the least.

 

One line that stands out is- "I knew this day would come when we would HAVE to give up."

 

Having to give up or wanting to give up means (to me ) you start from a different 'mindset'

 

I think you can be as successful having to give up; for people quit for a variety of reasons but it's essential to realise you have to quit for good and embrace the freedom of being a non smoker.

 

You often see pregnant woman "having" to give up and start up again after birth.

 

Personally I would read WHYQUIT and as much as you can, about how life is so much better after smoking.


  • Rozuki likes this

Relapse is like peeling an onion. TEARS!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it"
 
George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950}
 
NOPE stands for Not One Puff EVER....
 
It does not stand for......
 
Not One Puff EXCEPT...
 
The minimum requirement is maximum commitment....to NOPE
 
It takes many good decisions to make a good quit, and  only one bad one to lose it.

 

Quit 2nd October 2001.


#13 Barb_S

Barb_S

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 43 posts
  • quitdate:
    2018-01-01
  • LocationMassachusetts USA

Posted 12 January 2018 - 08:39 PM

Hi. I quit in 1999 for 16 years. Yay - but I gave in recently so I am back doing it again. I remember the 1st year in real detail. I was pretty miserable - partly wondering if life was worth living without cigarettes and questioning whether I can enjoy anything at all Well, for me it did take a very long time to feel comfortable again. I think getting thru 1/2 a year was the better part of the worst of it.  But after that time went by, I did start to find real peace within, and enjoyment inside and out.   I was also like you, many years as a smoker starting as a teenager. I didn't know I could quit or that I could like living without cigarettes. Time changed all that.  I wish I was posting here for you without having relapsed because for  many years I don't think cigarettes entered my thoughts at all - and the triggers and reaching were just completely gone.  Stick with it - the best is yet to come.


  • Huntressd and PinkSapphire like this

#14 Frank

Frank

    As good as it gets.!

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 8,480 posts
  • LocationCalifornia USA

Posted 12 January 2018 - 09:00 PM

Hi. I quit in 1999 for 16 years. Yay - but I gave in recently so I am back doing it again. I remember the 1st year in real detail. I was pretty miserable - partly wondering if life was worth living without cigarettes and questioning whether I can enjoy anything at all Well, for me it did take a very long time to feel comfortable again. I think getting thru 1/2 a year was the better part of the worst of it.  But after that time went by, I did start to find real peace within, and enjoyment inside and out.   I was also like you, many years as a smoker starting as a teenager. I didn't know I could quit or that I could like living without cigarettes. Time changed all that.  I wish I was posting here for you without having relapsed because for  many years I don't think cigarettes entered my thoughts at all - and the triggers and reaching were just completely gone.  Stick with it - the best is yet to come.

Ouch Barb_S, that had to hurt.  What  made you smoke again?  Welcome to QSMB. 


 

Nov 6, 2011 I decided " I had enough with this sh*t "

I quit because I just got tired of the life under a rock, dark and with not enough air to breathe waiting for the day to get crushed!

Alcohol to a quit is like Kryptonite to Superman

Stop, Think and then React. Not React,Stop and then Think

Practice does not make it perfect, makes it permanent. Practice the right things!

Quitting is by far the best decision for the rest of your life.

If a Doctor gives you 6 months to live, would you start living after the first three? Quit now!

" I am a puff away form a pack a day"

Once you stop puffing or having Nicotine in any form, then and only then your symptoms will stop.

I quit with a frozen turkey. Once I felt comfortable with my quit,  I ate it.

Life is such a good teacher, that if you don't learn the lesson it will repeat it to you.

 

 

 


#15 giveintowin

giveintowin

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 1,687 posts

Posted 12 January 2018 - 09:17 PM

Hi PS and welcome. I experienced some of the things you described and have kept a lot to myself about it since I haven't wanted to scare off newcomers.

 

I put this down to the real effect of our brains repairing. We will likely be low in dopamine (a neurochemical that gives us pleasure and reward) until our brains adjust. I do believe this takes longer than is commonly quoted.

 

Feelings such as lack of joy, lack of motivation, difficulty concentrating, anger, frustration, irritability all are related to dopamine. 

 

Hang in there because these trials will pass and at the end you will be healthier.

 

There is nothing wrong with feeling bad, particularly if there is a good reason for it. Too much pressure is put on people to feel good all of the time and this is not how life works unfortunately.

 

Thanks for sharing since reading your post and others after you has made me not feel so alone with what I am experiencing.

 

All the best. Keep us posted.


  • Huntressd likes this

Quit date Thursday 24th October. 2017, 10.10am AEDT.

 

It is a relief to not be killing myself slowly. Every day I don't smoke I am getting stronger.


#16 Lin-quitting

Lin-quitting

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 2,634 posts
  • quitdate:
    2017-03-06
  • Locationsmall-town Kansas USA

Posted 12 January 2018 - 09:49 PM

Welcome Pink. As we all know, anxiety and depressive symptoms are normal in the early stages of quits.

 

But I would like to tell you - I wish I could really show you, but I can't - how joyful some of us feel with quitting. I am telling you to hang in there, to hang tough, because you might also end up feeling the joy and self-confidence I have received with my quit.

 

Wishing you all the best too, with your family challenges.....


    image.png?base_img=6&size=0&date_yr=2017

 

               

                  "I didn't come this far to only come this far."

 

30ksjlf.jpg

 

I want my life back. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

There is no try, there is only do. Failure is not an option.

Another proud member of the 2017 Smokebusters team.


#17 Sparkzzz

Sparkzzz

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 397 posts

Posted 12 January 2018 - 09:58 PM

Hello Pink Saffire and welcome. What you are feeling is the same that we all have. The motivation that you have to stay quit is the same as mine. I never want to take another puff because I don’t want to ever go through this again.
Smoke Free Forever !!!

#18 beazel

beazel

    Fighter

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 8,129 posts
  • quitdate:
    2017-03-14
  • LocationPandora

Posted 12 January 2018 - 10:17 PM

Hi PinkSapphire & welcome - so glad you found us.

 

I don't have much to add that hasn't been said......please come here often - it really helps!


2iijyuf.pngYoung Pharte     

 

QSMB - "The Wind Beneath My Wings"

image.png?base_img=6&size=0&date_yr=2017 loveshower.gif

 on the other side of fear lies freedom

 

In the world of addiction, we leave "normal" behind.  - Mike Piano  

Would be a shame for a second's weakness to undo all this hard work. - sgraye

Life's too short, don't make it shorter. - Jess 

 

                                                       

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                      

 

 

 


#19 Huntressd

Huntressd

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 132 posts
  • quitdate:
    2017-06-25
  • LocationCanada

Posted 12 January 2018 - 11:09 PM

Hi PS,

Welcome, you are an amazingly strong indivividual! You can get through this.

Your quit is one of two major events for you in recent months. The lack of joy, despondency and depression can be worse for some than others, every quit is different. I am at just over six months quit and those feelings are going away but it's slow to happen. The anger was the hardest part for me ( so not in my nature) but that "something lost" feeling does dissipate, I am not expecting to be entirely gone for a while yet...

Considering what you have been through with your spouse, it's amazing that you have handled ithe quit so well so far. This is a great place to be. Everyone is incredibly supportive, welcoming and happy to help/share.
  • snowywinter likes this
:groupwave:

I quit June 25, 2017.

#20 Joe7

Joe7

    Advanced Member

  • Members
  • PipPipPip
  • 293 posts
  • quitdate:
    2017-05-04

Posted 13 January 2018 - 04:54 AM

Hi PinkSapphire and welcome.

 

You did a great job expressing the change to your emotions that happened after you quit smoking. I can strongly relate to what you described. I experienced very similar changes to my emotions. From all that I have read here, I think there are very many other members who have experienced similar changes. Eight weeks is a very short time toward recovery from these emotional changes for many of us. 







Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: hope, depression, rage, anger

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users