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Filling the voids


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#1 hermine

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 09:14 AM

Quitting smoking leaves us with a terrible emptiness that, for a while, we don't know exactly how to handle. And we may even ask ourselves if we will ever be able to fill these voids with anything. What helped me to get over this was eventually understanding that the source of the problem wasn't the absence of cigarettes, but the mere existence of those terrible feelings I was dealing with. 

 

They were there all along, but I was trying to cover them all up with smoke... The moment I stopped smoking, I started to realize and acknowledge all those things that were wrong in my life and I've been trying to get rid of by hiding behind a curtain of cigarette smoke. But they didn't disappear, they have been watching me silently and now, as the smoke cleared, we are starting to make eye contact again. Should I light a cigarette so I become blind again? Or should I finally tackle the beasts? The answer is clear. I will attack.

 

So ask yourself, as you are ripped by this feeling of emptiness: is it ok that a small piece of paper filled with tobacco has become such an important part of my life? Is it ok that I have become emotionally attached to a small piece of paper filled with tobacco?!

 

Don't hide behind the curtain of smoke again. Don't choose to run again. Make the most of the fact that you are finally capable to see your life as it really is and you finally have the chance to fill those voids. Fill your short and precious life with people, places, hobbies and knowledge. Put things that actually matter inside those voids, because blowing smoke inside them will never, ever, make them disappear.


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#2 nerdgirl42

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 09:18 AM

I love this post. I used smoking to fill many voids in my life, and now that I've quit yet again, I have realized that I can no longer hide behind that "small piece of paper filled with tobacco"! I want to fill my life with experiences! I don't want to hide behind a cloud of smoke. I want to go out and live life, and smoking has no place in that.

 

Because smoking is essentially dying. Little by little. With every puff. I know we all die eventually, but I have NO interest in speeding up that process, thank you very much! ;)


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#3 gonfishn21

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 10:41 AM

Hermine,
What an eloquent post.
Everyone of us needs to learn to fill the voids.
You, my friends, have touched on what I believe
to be a serious cause of relapse.
Well done. Very well done indeed.

Gon
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Smoking is no longer an option for me. I no longer smoke. Smoking is just something that I used to do
.

Smoking is not treatment. Smoking is the cause.

The usual outcome is only that, because you let it be. The "quitter's" outcome is because we "make it be".

Beat the urge, and the urge will stop beating you.

#4 MissyCat

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 10:59 AM

"Don't hide behind the curtain of smoke again. Don't choose to run again. Make the most of the fact that you are finally capable to see your life as it really is and you finally have the chance to fill those voids. Fill your short and precious life with people, places, hobbies and knowledge. Put things that actually matter inside those voids, because blowing smoke inside them will never, ever, make them disappear."

Well said Hermine! No more hiding behind a cloud of smoke.
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#5 Mike Piano

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 11:11 AM

just like Nerd says i  love this post can see myself to clearly in its words.

 

its an aching hollowness somewhere below the ribcage...a void which our experience tells us can only be filled that way.

 

I was very much a smoke screen man..had to feel all things through the screen or delay everything behind the puffs....

 

Parts of me never had to grow up, and now sometimes i feel like a helpless baby, lost with nothing to reach out for and suck and hold on to

 

WE are here

We are winning

Our love carries us through

Loves of life and each other


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#6 Jenni

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 02:15 PM

Hermine,

I wish I could give this post ALL the stars.


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#7 Chloesc

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 05:31 PM

Hey Hermine,  Loved reading your post.. It is so true.. I used to be quite and I would use smoking as my escape.. I guess I smoked instead of truly dealing with my emotions fully.. I realized after I quit how much of my emotions I really kept hidden.. It is a learning process to learn how to fill that empty void with positive things in your life... Also finding ways to deal with all life's tough issues as a non smoker. Each day gets brighter and my void gets filled a little more with happier things.. It is all still a learning process one day at a time. :-)


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#8 PuttiCat

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 07:07 PM

Well if this isn't a proverbial kick in the butt, I don't know what is.

 

Great post, Hermine!  This is so true but not something I've ever actually thought of.  Not sure why...I've sure used many things as "escapes" throughout my life.  Thank you for your wise words!!


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#9 Kathleen0515

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Posted 30 March 2015 - 07:24 PM

Wonderful post! I have a feeling your words are going to hit home for a lot of people  :-)


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#10 JMM

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 04:52 AM

Very true
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#11 Shrub1122

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 06:23 AM

I am out of likes but that's ok Hermine because I don't like this post, I absolutely love it.

Once we have controlled our smoking it does open us to the possibility of fixing other things in our life.
Tending our spiritual garden and finding a sense if order.

It is a human condition to strive to be better and kinder people.

Of course non smokers do that as well.

They just don't have to go through an emotional adjustment quite the same as us.

As they started with an advantage.

They never smoked so did not have to quit.

Or in some strange and weird way.

Perhaps it is us that has the advantage.

Hugs and great post and that just made your rope that much stronger
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#12 itsatrap84

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 07:52 AM

This post is SPOT ON. i'm going through the void right now. It's a little overwhelming I have first. It feels like I have so much to do to "fix" myself but... this is the fun part. It's like the early part of dating before everything gets boring. ;) we're out of our "comfort zone" aka addiction zone. Really makes you evaluate just about everything. I know I'm evaluating my career, friends, health, relationships etc. etc. turns out not smoking was the easy part.... But knowing that I could do that and don't need cigs anymore makes everything else seem inevitable.

Cigarettes were this disgusting excuse that I used to keep many aspects of my life from improving. I couldn't work out because I was a smoker and that didn't make any sense. I couldn't date because I was a smoker and didn't want to have to deal with that awkwardness. I knew it bothered my mom that I smoked but I still had to do it. My poor sweet dog has been around so much cigarette smoke over the past year. But he always wanted to be near me. But I think he enjoys it more now without the smoke.

Thanks for posting this.
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MY FOREVER QUIT PLEDGE: I swear on my life that I will never have another cigarette. I will never take another puff. This is not an experiment. This is my life or my death. This is me choosing to spare my family the grief of losing me too soon to an illness of the mind that destroys my body. This is me canceling my addiction. I swear this on my life and I swear it to God. 

 

 


#13 hermine

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Posted 31 March 2015 - 09:41 AM

Thank you, dear friends! This was a great issue for me and I am very glad that my insight can be helfpul to anyone dealing with the same problems.


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#14 hermine

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 11:30 AM

bump


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#15 melder7777

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Posted 24 April 2015 - 12:16 PM

Excellent message Hermine.

 

 

Even as someone that's been quit for such a long time, I am still reminded of just how invasive my smoking addiction was, on pretty much every aspect of my life.

 

 

I do not miss that feeling at all.

 

 

There's good reason why some refer to this as freedom.

 

 

Thanks for the well thought out reminder!

 

 

 

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#16 Zowey

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Posted 03 May 2015 - 08:36 AM

Just stumbled across this gem...

 

I felt like I was struggling with something but couldn't put my finger on it...this is it!!!

 

Thank you Hermine!


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#17 hermine

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 08:33 AM

bump


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#18 galapple

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Posted 28 May 2015 - 02:01 PM

I loved this post. I'm still new at this and experiencing the "void" but I'm trying to fill in with new experiences and new places. 

Thanks for posting & bumping for us newbies!


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#19 Shrub1122

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Posted 06 June 2015 - 05:47 PM

It's a great post Hermine and so very by true
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The little cilia scrubbing bubbles were out of work for a very long time! Give them the job security that they were born to do! 24/7 cleaning your lungs, YAY!


#20 Mariemc

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Posted 06 June 2015 - 08:19 PM

Thanks for this hermine...This is so me at the moment, I'm 3 months almost and this is it! Really going to push myself from now on!
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