I used Chantix to help me quit smoking more than 4 months ago. I am still not smoking (hooray!). But I think that I am going to start taking Chantix again.
For reasons I do not understand, despite being more than 4 months away from cigarettes, I still want to smoke. I have to fight the urge to go buy some cigarettes all day every day. I haven't done it because my rational brain keeps reminding me of all the reasons I quit (very good reasons, by the way). But still, I WANT to smoke!
Most people say that life without cigarettes gets better and better; the more distance you get from cigarettes the better you feel. That hasn't happened to me-- I don't feel better without smoking. I mean, yes, physically, my lungs are better and I don't cough any more. But MENTALLY? No. Mentally I feel better when I'm smoking.
I remember when I first joined QSMB (lurking before I quit) somebody started a thread something like, "If you knew that cigarettes would not cause you any health problems, would you want to keep smoking?" almost everybody who replied to that thread said, "No!! I'm so happy to be free!" I said to myself then (and still do now) "Yes! I love smoking!" Even though I do now believe that smoking only relieves the withdrawal symptoms created by nicotine, that's OK with me. If I have to deliberately set up the addiction so that I can have the pleasure of satisfying that addiction, so be it.
Obviously, this is all crazy thinking-- junkie thinking. I am now free of cigarettes and nicotine and have been for a while. Whyever would I even CONSIDER going back to smoking? But I also do not understand why I keep thinking obsessively about smoking and fighting the urge all day every day. Something is wrong here.
So rather than relapse I think I'm going to try taking Chantix again. Chantix is a psychotropic drug that did reduce my nicotine craving before, so maybe it will again. I'll take a low dose-- just 1/2 a pill once a day-- and see what happens. I never heard of anybody doing this before so it will be an experiment. I'll keep you posted as to how it goes.