Sending good vibes up into the universe that the person I know as Autumn, whom I have come to care about here on QSMB, finds peace and better personal vibes. She quit smoking and has been clean of it for over a year, and that makes her one hell of an amazing human, no matter what else she struggles with.
Thinking of you sweetie.
Thank you so much, dear. This post touched me and made me feel so loved.
Autumn, wasn't manager guy already in a relationship with someone else, and hasn't your relationship with long-term guy been toxic for at least as long as you've been posting here? You've conquered many of your demons/addictions over the last few years, so why not continue the good work and make 2018 the year you start to accept yourself (and to be honest with yourself about the good, the bad, and all the in-betweens), and leave behind any relationships which bring you down and keep you from moving forward. Congratulations on doing so well in your job despite all the obstacles. That's a big thing, and something you can use to build your confidence. Wishing you the best.
Yeah, he was. It was a complicated situation. Basically, someone revealed to me in confidence that he was in an open relationship with his girlfriend. I, also, happened to be in an open relationship (and also single at times, long-term guy and I used to break up A LOT). I was never really serious-serious about manager guy, he's just a hottie with a brain that I was hoping to get to know a little better and, maybe, if lucky, get to know a lot better a couple of times. hahah I definitely still have a huge, stupid schoolgirl crush on my hottie manager, but be it that he's made no obvious indications to me that the feeling is mutual over a very long span of time, I just ride the high he gives me when he's around and leave it at that. Maybe he was never in an open relationship. Maybe he's trying really hard to be more professional. Him and I used to flirt a lot, now it's kindof hushed. His job has been kindof on the line lately, not for anything related to that at all, but I think he's trying to be more serious right now and I respect that 100%. It still sucks. He is TOO EFFING CUTE but que sera sera.
As for long-term guy and I, we've actually made some significant changes in our relationship. One of those being, instead of breaking up every fight, we really have long talks and put off any impulsive decisions. We've also been having more productive conversations, and less fights. He has been vastly more supportive. He still has a lot to work on, and so do I, but I haven't given up on him yet. We had a very toxic relationship, and it's still toxic, but it's getting better. I don't believe him to be a toxic person. We're just two people who both have a whole lot of baggage doing our best. I really value how despite all of our adversity and friction, he stays by my side and I stay by his. I may leave him in the future, absolutely. I have not crossed the thought out of my mind. But right now we are in the middle of some very exciting, big-time progress in how we talk to and treat each other, and I really want to see where it goes before we decide there's no hope.
The job thing is great but way too scary. I just got out of the mental hospital, after all. The last thing I need right now is a ton more stress. But, I am flattered that they have so much confidence in me, and I think I'm going to work on getting cross-trained a bit more so that the next time a promotion is available, I will have the confidence to apply and really go for it.
Thank you for such a thoughtful response, and I hope all is well on your end. <3