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In Defense of Tough Love


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#1 Craig

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:31 AM

We are nicotine addicts. We've wasted years, decades even, of our lives on this stupid addiction. We've lost loved ones to cigarettes. Our health has suffered. Some of us, even though we've quit, are STILL GOING TO DIE from smoking. We've spent more money on cigarettes than just about anything else in our lives. 

 

Most of us are here because we recognize this forum will help us beat our addiction. We are FIGHTING FOR OUR LIVES here! This is SERIOUS! 

 

There have been far too many relapses on this forum lately. There have been far too many people trying to justify their relapses and then get angry when their FELLOW ADDICTS give them s*** about it. And for crying out loud, if you want to leave the forum because you are upset then JUST STOP POSTING. There's no need to delete your account or even worse, go into full drama queen mode to post a "I'm leaving" thread. Just go. No drama. 

 

Newbies (that includes those that have recently relapsed) need to realize something. You are SCREWED IN THE HEAD! I mean that in the nicest way possible but I do mean it. Your brain chemistry is all jacked up. Your mind is in panic mode because something it was tricked into thinking it needed is no longer there. I think it's the same thing for those with established quits that drop their guard and start romanticizing cigarettes(myself included). If we get lazy for a moment the junkie thinking can start right back again. 

 

A few people don't like the "tough love" type of support some members here provide. I think we need more of it! I am an ADDICT fighting for my LIFE! Sugarcoating my failures and telling me anything other than the cold hard truth does me zero good. 

 

In Army Basic Training we were treated like crap by the drill sergeants at first . We were yelled at, deprived of sleep, treated like children, cursed at, etc. It made life miserable. We began as undisciplined civilians. We were torn down then rebuilt as highly trained soldiers. Basic Training was not fun. My feelings were hurt more than once. BUT, when all was said and done, I emerged a stronger, better person. 

 

This forum is like Basic Training in a way. We come here as smokers, or newly quit. We undergo a transformation here. We become nonsmokers. That journey may require some tough love or a few whacks with a big stick. Take it for what it is....people that CARE about your life trying to get YOU to care about your OWN life. Or, you can get upset, leave the forum and then go smoke a cigarette.

 

I know which path I am going to chose. What about you? 

 

 


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That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
-Friedrich Nietzsche


#2 Guest_wvu46_*

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:35 AM

well said. thanks



#3 marciem

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:44 AM

Beautifully said, Craig.  If we didn't care about the people we post to, whether it be sugar coated, no nonsense or tough love, we wouldn't waste our time and effort on them.  If feelings get hurt, that's part of accepting responsibility for our own actions and RE-actions.  No one posts here to be intentionally mean.

 

 

And for crying out loud, if you want to leave the forum because you are upset then JUST STOP POSTING.

Hear hear!!  I won't say more about the "Boo hoo (or eff you)  I'm leaving" posters.


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Quit Date 9/20/12
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S.moking is N.ot an O.ption T.oday
Better to be a nonsmoker with an occasional desire to smoke, than a smoker with a constant desire to quit.
Remember: everything bad about quitting is temporary, and everything good about quitting is permanent. TimidTulip
Not a day will ever go by that life is 100% perfect. But 100% of the days are better not smoking jwg
I feel no matter my outcome, quitting was still hands down the best thing I ever did....r.i.p. jwg 12/28/13
Like John, no matter my own outcome, quitting smoking is hands down the best thing I've ever done... mlm 2/16/17                                                       


#4 Guest_Mike._*

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:44 AM

Yep, Relapses are dangerous. Mine usually last years, and when you add them all up, I get COPD. And ... like Craig said, who knows what still might be in store for me.


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#5 Debcanbreathe

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:44 AM

Out of likes - but Love it!


Education about your addiction, what you are doing and why you're doing it can be the difference between success and failure - READ.

Your net worth to the world is usually determined
by what remains after your bad habits are subtracted
from your good ones.
-Benjamin Franklin

#6 Sgt.Sausage

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:46 AM

Hoo-ah!

 

 

Easy Peasy


I am The Sarge

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Pack-and-a-half a day for 27+ years.
Cold Turkey: 17 November 2011 (The Great American Smokeout, 2011 )
The Sarge traded smoking for running. PRs: 3:59:57(26.2) 1:44:10(13.1) 40:23(10k) 33:03(5-mile) 19:04 (5k) 11:59(2-mile) 5:34(1-mile)

 

"I have said from day one – 'I did not quit to save my life, I quit to spend it better'

And this I have accomplished." -- Just John (jwg), Knight of Honor of The QSMB

 


#7 Agent99

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:51 AM

I agree 100%.  I know there are some who feel I think a soft approach is the only way but that is just not true.   I think we have to tell it how it is.  I think some are better at that than others.  It's important to time it right. Like when the tough is needed and when the love is needed.  Most times we get it right.  Sometimes maybe not so much but I cannot think of anyone who is not truly trying to be helpful.  Something for everyone is why I love this place.  People need to grab on to whatever will get them smoke free!!


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Bi_Girl_Cheerleaders.gifGo Quitters!!!

 

 

 


#8 greenlover

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 12:52 AM

To those who think I'm just some old bitch with time on her hands you're wrong. I came here 4 yrs ago after being told QUIT OR ELSE cause I had a heart attack & ended up with 3 stents & now being diabetic so when people like I get on our soapboxes think twice before you get your damn panties in a twist & realize this is life or death. :roll:  :roll: 


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#9 kinkash

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 01:19 AM

Good post. Out if likes...very powerful what you've captured. Some know my BIL has stage four cancer....we need to do whatever not to be him. It's not something you want to witness.....his physical pain, or my sisters mental pain and anguish. When you see how much power it has and you finally get out of its clutches, honestly...if you have an ounce of decency, you want everyone you know to quit and Stay Quit!!!

ps...I hear you Beth
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When the student is ready...The teacher will appear-Soul
Fear of the quit is worse than the quit-Cookielinda
When you stop buying cig......You start paying for your addiction - jwg

Smoking is not some friend that brings you comfort. It is the Enemy that wants to kill you!
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#10 baffled

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 01:37 AM

Shoot.  Out of likes.  Totally agree with you Craig.  My kids all played hockey including college.  They had various types of coaches through the years.  I used to tell them, "when the coach stops yelling at you it means he doesn't think you have what it takes and he's given up on you.  Everyday you show up for practice and he yells at you, be happy and get your ass in gear."   I want people to keep me honest and working hard -- otherwise I'll know they've given up on me and I may give up on myself.

 

I don't want to die from smoking.  I am hoping and praying that I quit soon enough.  I don't want my family to have to care for me and watch me die because of something I did to myself.  God smoking sucks.

 

Shoot now I am really sad.  


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#11 kinkash

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 01:43 AM

I agree 100%. I know there are some who feel I think a soft approach is the only way but that is just not true. I think we have to tell it how it is. I think some are better at that than others. It's important to time it right. Like when the tough is needed and when the love is needed. Most times we get it right. Sometimes maybe not so much but I cannot think of anyone who is not truly trying to be helpful. Something for everyone is why I love this place. People need to grab on to whatever will get them smoke free!!


Right...that's why I say it's not one size fits all. We may not all take the same route to get there-cold Turkey, pill, patch,etc.....but we all want to end up at the same location....Quit Blvd!
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When the student is ready...The teacher will appear-Soul
Fear of the quit is worse than the quit-Cookielinda
When you stop buying cig......You start paying for your addiction - jwg

Smoking is not some friend that brings you comfort. It is the Enemy that wants to kill you!
1330426800_20_1_USD_7_default.png

#12 Guest_Mike._*

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 03:27 AM

Shoot now I am really sad.  

 

Consider it a wake-up call. Just like you did with your kids. We knew what we were getting ourselves into, we just practised denial. No more! Every minute we remain off the s***, the more our bodies have a chance to heal. That's all we can do except, set examples for our kids and grand-babies.



#13 Maria Alvez

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 04:11 AM

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Encourage yourself to quit smoking
 

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#14 Gemzee

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 04:13 AM

I agree 100% with this!! :)

I became a non-smoker at 5pm (Perth, Western Australia time) on Friday 30th August 2013  - I am never going back to the dark days of addiction - N.O.P.E - I'm Free

 

 


#15 Cristobal

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 04:18 AM

When a person finally sees that this addiction is all mental, emotional, and spiritual garbage, diseases, and horrible deaths, it is much more easier to keep the quit.

 

The thing is arriving to the point of finally seeing this with the logical mind....and then making the illogical mind understand this also.

 

The illogical addict brain in many of us is strong, and has had many years of practice lying to us about what not to believe.

 

Tough love can be very tough, but it is also always love.

 

Cristóbal

Day 337


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#16 Hockeymom40

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 05:19 AM

High 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!


They say, "Quitters Never WIN, I say THEY, are TOTALLY WRONG!"
May 4 2008 I said " ENOUGH"!


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#17 ollie

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 06:32 AM

Oh yes tough love,I have asked all you good folks here,to give me a good kicking,if I ever came here with a s.o.s,
I would expect this,no rose coloured glasses.
Give it to me straight.
After all this is a life or death addiction,
Thanx for the reminder.
Ollie x
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#18 baffled

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 11:09 AM

Consider it a wake-up call. Just like you did with your kids. We knew what we were getting ourselves into, we just practised denial. No more! Every minute we remain off the s***, the more our bodies have a chance to heal. That's all we can do except, set examples for our kids and grand-babies.

I just logged on today and have no likes?  Weird. Thank you Mike.  


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#19 domld

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 11:20 AM

Tough love has it's place, I agree

 

But not during hell and heck week for actual newbies (Not after a relapse but people actually experiencing it for the first time)

 

I'm in week 3 now, I now fully expect to get my ass kicked if I start romanticizing cigarettes at this point or get to a point where I think I'm going to smoke. I would be truly disappointed if I didn't 


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#20 annael25

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Posted 17 September 2013 - 11:23 AM

I agree 100%. Sometimes people just need to hear it as it is, whether they like it or not. The problem with sugarcoating things is it allows the person to excuse themselves of their own actions, which will accomplish nothing.


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