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#693429 I only wish someone would have told me....

Posted by Kathleen0515 on 03 December 2013 - 07:43 PM

That quitting smoking is doable, even after 45 years.

That I'm not "more addicted" than the next smoker.

That it's not nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

That the craves are manageable.

That I would feel such pride in my accomplishment.

That I would have energy again.

That I could actually love to exercise. 

That I can see a smoker and pity them rather than envy them.

That time does take away any desire for a cigarette.

That I can feel better at 63 than I did at 43.

That there is a life of freedom I didn't know existed.

That it's never too late to quit.

That I could my life healthier in all aspects.

That I never really liked smoking, I just thought I did.

 

Yes, I wish someone would have told me all of these things. So, to anyone who is thinking of quitting, or has just quit, I am telling YOU. Quitting is the best gift you could ever give yourself. Don't let your fear stop you from seeing the reality of this addiction. Don't hide behind your excuses. You can quit. It's not as hard as you think it will be. And it's not nearly as hard as continuing to smoke. 

 


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#731946 Dear QSMB newcomer

Posted by Poprini on 20 January 2014 - 02:23 AM

Welcome, I'm so glad you found us! You're probably here because you're thinking about quitting smoking or you have already quit and are looking for some extra support or reinforcement. Well, you've come to the right place! This is not an official post - just my own thoughts and tips on how to navigate an early quit and use the QSMB.

In the beginning

Firstly, CONGRATULATIONS!! By quitting, you give yourself a wonderful gift. I know it's probably scary but it IS the right thing to do. On some level you already know this. So praise yourself every day. Focus on the fact that you are liberating yourself from an addiction. You are not depriving yourself of anything. Stick around, communicate and read read READ read read. There's so much wisdom here. Stories and struggles and advice from scores and scores of people who have travelled the same path as you. Listen to them and go on this journey with the knowledge that it is the VERY BEST thing to do. It's wonderful! Celebrate! And even if you don't feel completely happy about it, try one of my favourite techniques which is "Fake it till you Make it". Smile though gritted teeth if you have to, but say – "Hooray, I am free! Today I will not smoke and I will be free!" Do this every day.

After a while, you will realise that it is actually true. You won't have to fake it any more. It happens for everyone in different ways but it WILL happen. But ONLY if you follow the golden rule…do not smoke.

Smoking and relapsing is like being a mouse running in a wheel. If the mouse keeps running, the wheel keeps turning. The only way to stop the wheel is to stop running and get off it. Being a non smoker is much easier than being a smoker. This is the truth. I smoked for about 25 years and I've been a non smoker for a lot less than that but I already know it. And you will too…but only if you stop running and get off the wheel. It's like being a recovering alcoholic – you cannot have a drink because you risk a complete relapse. When the mouse starts running again, the wheel starts turning again. While a "sneaky" cigarette might not put you back to full time smoking, there is a substantial risk that it will. IT IS NOT worth the risk. Re-administering the drug of dependance means re-awakening the addiction. In this case, cigarettes are your drug of addiction. Do not re-administer them. Do not get back on the wheel.

Do whatever it takes to protect your quit. Treat it like a delicate seedling or a newborn baby. In time, the seedling becomes a tree and the baby becomes an adult. They can stand on their own. But in the early days they need a lot of care and protection. Just like your quit. Cup it in your hands, wrap your heart around it, love it and protect it.

At least part of you probably thinks you can't do this. You're not alone. I'd hazard a guess that we probably all felt like that…before we realised we COULD. I know it seems hard to believe at the moment or scary but you CAN do it. Quitting smoking is completely do-able. None of us are special. We were ALL addicted to smoking. If we could stop then you can. And not just stop smoking but love being free from it. Quitting is a journey…difficult, scary and emotional at times but also exciting, joyful and exhilarating.

The SOS commitment

If you ever feel on the verge of abandoning your quit, you must tell us and give us a chance to talk you out of it. Write a new thread with SOS in the subject line and explain what is going on for you. Wait for at least three replies (if people are around they will come flocking when they see SOS). Read some more of the newbie package or the links below while you wait. You might find you talk yourself out of it.

About the QSMB

The admin/board owners here don't really discuss quitting - they just do the IT, admin and moderatey stuff. The quit support comes from the community. We learn from each other and from many years and hundreds of hours and millions of words and tears and laughter shared. We share our experiences and those of others and research and ideas and links and films. There's SO much available to you. In fact you can be so busy just reading and watching everything that you plain won't have time to smoke!

I see the QSMB as being like a small town. There are myriad personality types and ages and backgrounds. There are locals, old timers, people who pop in and out and people who are just passing through. Everybody notices when a new person comes and they will rush to welcome you. The support here is real. The people are real. Like a small town there are traditions and belief systems that are shared and passed on. There is a culture here – it evolves like any culture but it has developed over time and is based on experience. The culture won't suit everybody and that's fine. You won't like everybody and that's fine too. Really – all you need is ONE person whose experience speaks to you. One voice or idea which strikes a chord. It might come from one of our staunch old timers, it might be someone only a few months ahead of you in their quit, it might be someone who has passed on and will never return. But there is truth and hope and wisdom here. So stick around for a while and check it out. Learn and be free.

Quit acronyms

NOPE: Not One Puff Ever
NTAP: Never Take Another Puff
SNOT: Smoking is Not an Option Today
NOPT: Not One Puff Today
KTQ: Keep The Quit
ETQ: Enjoy The Quit / Embrace The Quit
KIATQ: Keep It About The Quit

Quitter titles

NEWBIE: 1 Day - 3 Months.
TWEENIE: 3 - 6 Months.
YOUNG PHARTE: 6 Months - 1 Year.
OLD PHARTE: 1 Year +

NOSMO: Non smoker/No smoking

Reading material

The estimable newbie package is full of fantastic information. Make sure you also read the message board policies.

Some favourite articles/posts for quitting inspiration

 

You smoke because you're a smokaholic!
Mythbusting the addiction's lies
Knowledge is power

Summary Of Basic Recovery Tips
The new memo to your brain

You know - you don't want to be a smoker!
Keep climbing that rope, don't let go, it'll get easier
Urge Surfing
The things you say
Physical Symptoms after you Quit thread

Some last suggestions

I advise you to start reading the above links as well as current posts on the main board and get a feeling for the culture of the QSMB and the kind of ideas and philosophies that are practised here. When you're ready, post a greeting or introduction topic on the main board. Tell us where you're at in your quit journey and also your hopes or fears. The more we know, the more we can help. There are some people who just visit and read and that's fine…but I do recommend you eventually get involved. The level of support you will get is amazing.

Stand on your own two feet (metaphorically). It's important that you have control over your own quit…that your quit is not dependent on anyone else but you. So perhaps rather than look for one quit buddy, consider the whole board your quit team. Then if an individual is not available to you or worse – falters in their own quit – it won't matter. You weren't relying on them. Or you could develop a relationship with a quit mentor – someone who is well ahead of you in their quit and is secure and experienced. And if you prefer to have more private dialogues, Chat is a great way to develop relationships and get one-on-one support.

Take what you need and leave the rest. Like I said before – you won't connect with every person and every idea. It doesn't matter. One beautiful idea is sometimes all you need. One specific comment might be what gets you through the day. But at the same time, don't let any one person or one comment turn you away. There is room for all of us here. And that person who annoyed you on day 3 might be the person who gives you that ah-ha moment on day 20.

Support other people. Helping others also helps you.

I won't say good luck because you don't need it. You just need to make a decision. Do you want to be free? If the answer is yes then luck has nothing to do with it. It's your choice. Choose freedom.

My best to you,
Li


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#813902 Pssst! I'll let you in on a little secret....

Posted by Kathleen0515 on 12 April 2014 - 09:56 PM

It's no big deal to be an Old Pharte. Sure, it's nice to achieve that milestone and receive all the accolades, but it's not hard anymore to not smoke. By one year, you are far into your new life as a nonsmoker and you don't have to struggle to stay that way. By one year, the benefits of your quit have improved your life and your lifestyle. You are reminded every single day how great it is to be a nonsmoker. Your bank account is bigger and your health is better. And for many of us, there is a whole new way of life outside of just getting rid of the cigarettes. We have discovered new activities we love, we eat better, we have a new found confidence, we're proud of ourselves. What's so hard about all this? You know who are MY heroes? That person who has been lurking here and has finally made the choice to quit. And those who just got past that magic 72 hour mark, or hit their one month milestone. My heroes are the people who have blind faith and believe us when we tell them it will get better. It's those who get up every morning and log onto the QSMB to make the daily pledge because they know that's the only thing that will keep them from smoking that day. It's the person who is out the door to buy cigarettes but instead turns around and posts that SOS. Newbies, you are why this board is here. You are the ones that are the big deal here! So, cheers to all those brave souls who one day will join us on the lido deck. You're in the trenches now, but keep on climbing and if you need help reach out and we'll grab your hand. Because you are why we do what we do. 


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#223323 No Man's Land

Posted by Dunkin on 22 July 2009 - 01:33 AM

by tc_guy ( ron)

Peace to all who read this.

I seldom start a post, unless it is to honor someone's anniversary. But I feel compelled to share something that I seem to be sharing a lot of lately... and that is my thoughts on 'No Man's Land'. No Man's Land is a dangerous and scary place... and it is a lonely time during a quit.

I call No Man's Land that period of time between about 1 month and 3 or 4 months into your quit, or about the time from the end of your first month until you become an Elder. This is a time when many people slip and go into a full relapse and have to start over... if they can start over, that is. I have some observations that may help some of you who are literally hanging on by your fingernails... or who may find yourself there tomorrow.

The first month is an exhausting but exhilirating experience... you are locked in nearly daily struggles and you get the satisfaction of successfully beating your addiction that day. You go to bed a WINNER each night (as Troutnut would say), and you are justifiably proud of yourself. Your friends and family are also supportive as they see you struggling each day to maintain your quit. And you are being constantly supported here, whether or not you post... just being here is good for your quit. And so, the battles are won and it actually becomes easier and the battles occur less often as you finish 30 days or so.

Around 60 days, you're starting to have some really good days, with very few craves and some nice insights about yourself... but then again, you still have some bad days. Those bad days can really be depressing... you begin to wonder if you're ever gonna be able to relax. Your junkie is whispering to you, telling you that 'just one' won't hurt. You've conquered your daily triggers, but now you start trippiing over the occasional ones... a death in the family, unexpectedly bad news, money problems, health problems, going on a long car ride, a trip to the bar, or whatever. You have a strong crave and you begin to doubt your ability to keep your quit.

In addition, the 3D support that you used to get is pretty much gone... non-smokers figure you should be 'over it' by now, smokers don't like to hang around you much because they feel guilty and addicted (remember that feeling?), and people who have quit may not remember just how much love and support you need well into the first few months. They all think you should be 'over it', you think you should be 'over it'... and the temptation is to have 'just one' to see if you ARE over it.

But of course you're not over it, are you? That 'just one' whisper becomes much much louder and becomes 'just one more'... and each time you give in to that whisper, the craves come harder and sooner. The one way to guarantee that your craves will never go away is to light up, to slide that old cigarette needle into your arm and shoot up. Those craves will be back and keep coming back. But if you protect your quit, your craves will eventually weaken and become even fewer and farther between.

As you get to around 100 days or so (some will be a bit longer)... you will begin to really get a healthy perspective on your addiction. You will see the huge role that smoking played in your life, you will see clearly what that addiction really cost you. And you will understand that it was a very high price to pay... the loss of your confidence, your emotions, your self-control... your SELF. All enslaved to your addiction.
And you will begin to see that you can look forward to a non-smoking future without romanticizing your addiction. You see it clearly for the life-stealing evil it was... and is. You see a much different future for yourself than your past has been. And it no longer scares the crap out of you to think that you are done smoking... in fact, you embrace that thought with joy every day.

But you have to get out of No Man's Land first. How can you help yourself? And how can those of us who have been through it help you?

First of all, you need to understand that you aren't alone. If you haven't already done so, make a pinky-finger promise with 2 or 3 good quitbuds and exchange phone numbers with them. Promise to call them if you're ever in trouble, and make them promise the same. These are your 'life and death' quitbuddies... you are literally trusting each other with your lives. Then call them... often. Just to see how they are doing, and to tell them you're doing well too. Be totally honest with them, this is life and death.

Second, understand that you're going to have some unexpectedly bad days... but they are going to be further apart. Shrug them off, laugh your way through them, call your quitbuddies... whatever it takes to get through them without smoking. Some battles will be easy, some will be hard. Come here and post, send qmail, exercise, learn to cook, take up a new hobby. Whatever it takes, keep going to bed a WINNER each night.

Third, ask some of the older qsters to keep an eye on you... to contact you to see how you're doing. I have been asked to do that for several of you recently and I am happy to do that, as I am sure that others are too. We know that you just need to hold on a little bit longer and change your focus just a little to make that breakthrough. And then you will OWN your quit, and it will be a very comfortable thing.

Last, take a deep and honest look at your past life... your life as a smoker and compare it to what your life is like now... and what it will be like in the future. You have to develop that vision of your future, of the person that you are going to BECOME now that you have freed yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to love yourself enough to deny yourself your addiction.

No Man's Land doesn't have to be so lonely and scary and dangerous. You need some company and some courage and some faith in yourself. And when you emerge from it, you will not be the same person that entered it.

Never never never question your decision to quit! This is the most loving thing that you will ever do for yourself. A few days of discomfort in exchange for a lifetime of freedom. You will never find another deal like it.

Protect your quit. Don't smoke, no matter what.

Peace, Ron
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#930089 Mental Balloons

Posted by gonfishn21 on 16 January 2015 - 06:17 PM

As I'm now chasing the tweenie label, and have been thinking a lot about the concerns I have had regading No Man's Land, its got me thinking again.
As most of you know, that means I'm going to ramble.

Although I am not one that needs a lot of kudos, it seems that it is a necessary part of this process for a while.
We make it through day 1 HURRAH!!!!!!!!!!
We make it through hell week HURRAY!!!!
Heck week over, " I feel better" HURRAy!!
Two weeks, wow, learning to get through the craves, HURRay!
Three weeks, can be around my friends and family without committing a felony, HURray
Four weeks, nerves under control, waistband a little tight, not bad, HUrray
Five weeks, walking, eating right, digestion shut down, but not smoking, Hurray
Six weeks, no craves, no moods, no smoking, digestion shut down, HUH?
Seven to eight weeks, no one wants to know but you, how you are doing. By the way, my digestion is shut down!
They really stopped wanting to hear weeks ago, you just kept talking about it. You can see it in their eyes when you walk up. They probably have a pool about how long it will take you to bring it up. Or even worse, the day your digestion works!
Yeah, wow woot woot yippee, big deal.
Hello No Man's Land'
How am i going to keep going with this?
I need to bring my own ballons to the party. I know my friends and family care, but they dont get it.
Even as firm as I have been since day one, this is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I know it, thats all that matters.
As i reach the little milestones ahead, I need to be the one who says HURRAY!!!!!.
I need to be the one who acknowledges the accomplishments. Afterall, in the end, I made the decision to quit, I made it through hell week, heck week, and i am the one who may never digest food again.
I need to remind myself everyday, how much I have accomplished, BEFORE I have a chance to get weak. In that way, I can stay ahead, be ready to face any challenge with a strong defense.
Smoking is no longer an option for me. Smoking is just something I used to do. I control my actions, and smoking is a choice. I choose not to smoke, even if I never digest food again.
I found a website the other day, that actually teaches you HOW TO SMOKE. I couldn't believe it. It takes you through lighting it, drawing on it, how it feels.......Holy Crap I was feeling it!!!!! Two flipping months into this, and I was feeling it, and then I knew. I had to make mental ballons and carry them with me at all times.
Everyday is a celebration, everyday needs reminders, and everyday has its challenges. There is no one here, that can not do it. I'm not special. I'm just going to carry my own balloons.
Just sayin,

Gon
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#651749 Taking my demands to the Main Board

Posted by Nancy. on 08 October 2013 - 12:54 AM

I demand additional "likes" on my 3 month quit day!  If I don't get them, I will take Jimmy hostage.

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#744069 Don't EVER Let Your Guard Down!

Posted by Craig on 30 January 2014 - 09:04 PM

I get sad whenever I read about someone that relapses after rocking an awesome quit for weeks or months. I quit smoking 290 days ago and I'm extremely confident I'll never smoke again. Things were a little different on day 142 though. That's the day I almost smoked a cigarette.....

 

 

Day 142.

 

I have been romanticizing the cigarette for about a week now. I've been daydreaming about the simple joy of holding a cigarette between my fingers, the wonderful tobacco smell of a freshly opened pack, and the feeling of euphoria when taking that first drag. Mmmm....just thinking about it makes my pulse quicken in glorious anticipation. 

 

W. T. F.       

 

This is day 142! I'm "this close" to 5 months.  6 months (HALF A YEAR!) is within spitting distance. How the hell could I let myself get so damn complacent that I'm having thoughts like this? For the most part, my quit has been on auto-pilot for the last couple of months. I stopped actively "quitting" a long time ago. I didn't feel the need, or desire, to spend hours a day reading/posting about nicotine addiction like I did the first several weeks of my quit. 

 

I've lost my motivation and I'm tired of fighting. THAT right there scares the crap out of me. I do NOT want to be a smoker again. I will NOT be a smoker again. I REFUSE to be a smoker again. It is time to fix this thing and get my head back in this quit. 

 

During the early days of a new quit everything is so exciting. You are doing a Good Thing and it's AWESOME! YOU are AWESOME! Loved ones shower you with praise! Strangers on the internet tell you how wonderful you are! You can suddenly smell and taste All The Things! People at work give you high fives and fist bumps! There are parades in your honor! The mayor gives you the key to the city! TMZ hounds you for an interview! Life is FREAKING AMAZING!!!

 

And then, a few weeks or months later…..things change. Family and friends begin treating you the way they did before you quit. No more high fives. No more fist bumps. No one asks about your quit anymore. Even the paparazzi stop following you around. This “thing” (your quit) isn't fun anymore. Yeah, it’s gotten a lot easier to not smoke but you still sometimes get cravings from hell and you are SO TIRED of fighting. So tired. You feel lonely. You start to hear whispers in your head. It's a voice you thought you silenced a while ago. “Why don’t you just smoke one? It will taste and feel so good. You know you can quit anytime you want.” (My Inner Junkie has a seductive bedroom voice like Barry White and looks like a more sinister version of Wile E. Coyote. Stop judging me!)

 

Relapse was a very real option for me on day 142 (I'm on day 290 now). I am VERY thankful that I turned things around before it was too late. Some folks don’t. They smoke a cigarette and then a beautiful quit is lost…up in smoke.

 

I am only posting this to remind everyone, myself included, that we can never let our guards down. I KNOW why I got close to relapse. The reasons are as plain as day to me now:

 

1.    I stopped educating myself about my addiction.

2.    I greatly decreased the time I spent on this site because I didn't think I needed a support group any longer.

3.    I let a small seed of negative thought (daydreaming of smoking a cigarette) grow until it became a Really Bad Thing.

4.    I fooled myself into thinking I wasn't an addict any more.

 

What did I do to get my quit back on track?

 

1.    I re-read all the newbie info here and at whyquit.com

2.    I read Allen Carr’s book. (I read a little bit each day over the course of a couple of months. It was a good daily dose of inspiration.)

3.    I recommitted to spending time on this site reading and helping out where I could.

4.    I admitted to myself that I was always going to be an addict. I can NEVER become complacent again.

5.    I stopped random smoking thoughts IMMEDIATELY whenever I realized what I was thinking about. 

 

Have you come close to relapsing? What did you do to avoid it?

 

Have you relapsed after a weeks or months long quit? If so, why did it happen and what are you doing now to make sure it doesn't happen again?

 

 


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#931237 I was you

Posted by Kathleen0515 on 21 January 2015 - 12:27 AM

Three years ago, I was you. Knowing that I should probably quit smoking but not believing I could do it. I "enjoyed" smoking. I was more addicted than other people. I wasn't strong enough. 

Two years, eight months ago, I was you. I had found this board and I started reading. I started thinking maybe I could actually do this. But I wasn't sure yet. 

Two years, two weeks, and 6 days ago, I was you. It was my first day quit and I was scared to death. I just wished I could go to sleep and wake up at 72 hours when the nicotine had left my system. It seemed like forever.

Two years, two weeks, and 3 days ago I was you. I actually hit that magic three day mark! I couldn't believe that I had gone that long without a cigarette. I looked at the members here with three months quit and I thought that could actually be me. I thought maybe I could really do this. Maybe.

Two years ago, I was you. I was starting to feel human again. I found myself going hours without thinking about a cigarette. I got glimpses of "normal", but it was a new normal, a better normal. I still looked at all those Old Phartes here as super humans. But they kept telling me I could, so I just kept believing.

One year, two weeks, and 6 days ago, I was you. It had happened! I crossed that magic one year mark. I was one of "them". A person I never believed I could be. Not just a nonsmoker, but a happy nonsmoker! I had people looking up to ME. I was telling people to just trust me, it gets better. I was looking back at my journey and realizing it hadn't been that hard after all. I finally believed everything I had been told.

 

Wherever you are in your quit at this very moment, one of us has been there. We understand how you're feeling. We know that some days quitting seems next to impossible. But it's not, because we did it.  We weren't stronger, or braver, or smarter. We were't less addicted. We just believed when we were told we could do this. We believed when we were told it gets better. We believed it would all be worth it. Now it's your turn to believe. In us, but more importantly, in yourself. 


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#700997 The Guadalupe River -- in memory of John Dec.28

Posted by jwg on 12 December 2013 - 05:19 PM

A lazy Texas river spanning form Kerr county Texas to the San Antonio bay on the Gulf of Mexico.  If you ever need to find a place to relax enjoy the sunshine while refreshing from the hot Texas sun, nothing beats a lazy day tubing down the slow winding of deep greens and blue. Some place your arm able to reach down and feel the stones polished by the millenniums. Hiding secrets of the Alamo and days gone by. A sacred place, where no worries in the world can follow, No troubles from work are allowed to enter, only you and your desire to be at peace can break the waters edge.

 

In my resent ventures over this past summer I had the opportunity to experience the river , its majesty and glory , Not only was I with the river I was with the finest people in the world to share the experience. By day floating lazily carefree and by night telling stories lounging about the cabin or sitting under the stars on the porch, cooking out burgers some night or fajita’s..

 

 

I often think of that trip and the fun we all had, to go back in time , even in memory can be so nice . Some days we would float solo or holding hands keeping close together. other days we banded are pack together by twine and traveled the river as one , like a Robin Hood and his merry men , or maybe Tom Sawyer and some of his boy hood chums.

 

One particular day we were going solo , but I lashed the tube with the cooler to my rig

6 hours or so , surly you need some sort of refreshment and maybe even pull up on to  a clear shore line for  a bite to eat.. And so we did. After lunch two of are young explores

Decided to forgo the tubes, swim a bit and comb the bottom of the river for secret hidden treasures,, Lost sunglass or the mother load a Iphone or other such valuable loot.

 

Now with no use for there tubes , the young explores piled them on top of the cooler . So there I was, in my tube tied to a stack of three tubes and a cooler. To which the wind had greater strength to control then the  slow easiness of the river current.

Some times I would find the wind speeding me along , while others the wind dragging me back and my group of merry band of men flowing down the river far in front of me.

 

While still enjoying the river the ride and the scenery I really had no control of the speed of my travel , to which side of the river I would coast. Sometimes the wind would bring me in to the tree line . Catching me on limbs and others casting me out into the deeper waters. Basicly I was at the mercy of powers much greater then myself..

 

 

As history repeats itself ,, this is where I find myself once more, only today laying in my hospital bed.

With each  day that passes more tubes are added to my burden, and now with each tube the wind carries me faster down the river then we could have ever imagined.

 

Just a few hundred yards back the option of chemo loomed in the air to slow the winds and the current giving me more time to enjoy the river, but now once  more due to powers beyond my control I find myself helpless. My illness grows faster then can be controlled.

 

I am at peace, I am comfortable. I am in my tube enjoying every last minute of my ride

Down the Guadalupe

 

I can not see the end to the river nor do I look forward to its end..

 

I have my friends , I have my family , I have you all , and I have the love of a beautiful women , my angel, my everything to comfort and care for me

 

I love you all

 

 

And will to my best keep you posted

 

 

In the mean time

 

Don’t put things in your mouth and light them on fire !!


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#952245 Filling the voids

Posted by hermine on 30 March 2015 - 09:14 AM

Quitting smoking leaves us with a terrible emptiness that, for a while, we don't know exactly how to handle. And we may even ask ourselves if we will ever be able to fill these voids with anything. What helped me to get over this was eventually understanding that the source of the problem wasn't the absence of cigarettes, but the mere existence of those terrible feelings I was dealing with. 

 

They were there all along, but I was trying to cover them all up with smoke... The moment I stopped smoking, I started to realize and acknowledge all those things that were wrong in my life and I've been trying to get rid of by hiding behind a curtain of cigarette smoke. But they didn't disappear, they have been watching me silently and now, as the smoke cleared, we are starting to make eye contact again. Should I light a cigarette so I become blind again? Or should I finally tackle the beasts? The answer is clear. I will attack.

 

So ask yourself, as you are ripped by this feeling of emptiness: is it ok that a small piece of paper filled with tobacco has become such an important part of my life? Is it ok that I have become emotionally attached to a small piece of paper filled with tobacco?!

 

Don't hide behind the curtain of smoke again. Don't choose to run again. Make the most of the fact that you are finally capable to see your life as it really is and you finally have the chance to fill those voids. Fill your short and precious life with people, places, hobbies and knowledge. Put things that actually matter inside those voids, because blowing smoke inside them will never, ever, make them disappear.


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#852567 You know what - you don't want to be a smoker!

Posted by Poprini on 20 June 2014 - 03:14 AM

No I'm not trying to hypnotise you or play Jedi mind tricks. :) I'm talking about relapsers or quitters who continue to have smoking thoughts and desires.

 

Nobody WANTS to go back to smoking. They quit because they want to quit (for whatever reason). What they want from time to time is to smoke. And what that means is something else. It means all of the things that people "like" about smoking:

 

A break in the day

Stress relief

Bonding time with buddies

Anxiety relief

Thinking time

Reward for finishing a job

 

etc

 

And it also means not having to THINK about not smoking all the time. Gawd I remember that. I remember thinking - "When will it ever end?...I just want to stop thinking about not smoking!" I see people saying it here all the time "I don't want to fight with myself any more! When will it end?!"

 

But it's not that you want to be a smoker again.

 

I reckon most smokers don't want to be smokers! If you gave someone a choice between being a smoker (with all the expense and smell and health fears and social shaming etc that goes with it) and being a happy non-smoker - of course they would choose the latter. But most smokers simply don't believe they can be happy without smoking. They believe they LOVE and need their cigarettes too much to live without them.

 

And when we quit it (generally) takes a lot of retraining for the brain to dismiss all of that addiction thinking and learn that we can actually get all of those good things in other ways without all the bad stuff you get with smoking. Some people are lucky and once they make the decision to quit, they are solid in it. Easy peasy. But lots of people struggle. And that's OK. The struggle is part of the process. Embrace it as part of the process. Look at it as the price of freedom. That's basically how I did it. I wanted freedom most of all. Freedom from smoking addiction and everything that went with it. The price became easier to pay over time. It took less. Every now and then I have a "want" to smoke but it's fleeting and easy to dismiss. Because I KNOW I do not want to be a smoker. No way.

 

Make a commitment to yourself. A promise. Promise yourself that you will never be a smoker again. And don't worry if you want to smoke from time to time. That's fine, because you know that it's really about something else and you definitely don't want to be a smoker again. No way. Ewgh.


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#829122 Thoughts From a Former "Hopeless Addict"

Posted by Eric on 08 May 2014 - 11:23 PM

 I intially wrote this in response to a question if there were people that had tried to quit numerous times, so it sounds almost like coming into the middle of a conversation, but the response became so long and so general, I thought I'd just post it as a post. 

 

 Question: Is there anyone who have failed after like 5 attempts but eventually succeeded?
 

 

Yeah, me.

 

  I think this is one of the reasons I stuck around for years and maybe why others do the same. It is the hope that maybe someone can learn from my mistakes so that hopefully they don't continue making their own and have multiple failed quit attempts in the process.

 

  I had tried to quit so many times and so many different ways that I lost count. Some of those quits lasted days and some lasted less than that. But each time I quit and relapsed, I only validated what I already knew. That quitting smoking was too hard and I was too weak. I often times resigned that I was a hopeless addict.

 

  Besides, I had all of these things happening in my life that always caused me to relapse. There was the stress at my job, stress in my relationships, the girlfriend breaking up with me, being in a bad mood, the bad weather bumming me out, hanging out and relaxing in the fantastic weather, the cable going out, hanging out with my smoking friends who still got to smoke, etc. If it wasn't one thing, it was another.

 

  It wasn't until I started educating myself about this addiction that I began to realize that nothing outside myself caused me to relapse. Nothing. Not the stress, the job, the relationships, the ex-girlfriend, the moods, the weather, the cable, the friends, etc. Nothing. All the responsibility/accountability fell square in my lap. I think often times us addicts don't want to hear this.  “No, no, no!”, we may say. “If only this didn't happen or that didn't happen, or if this happened or that happened, I wouldn't have smoked.”  Yet the truth is, every time I relapsed, I made the decision to smoke.

 

  The funny thing about decisions like this though, is that often times we think that they are something that happens in a split second. Yet, upon an honest closer examination, we can see how often times we start to build up these thoughts/fantasies about just having that cigarette. And as these thoughts/fantasies start to build, the mind starts making justifications, rationalizations, and/or maybe even compromises. The mind then starts to look for people, places, situations, etc. that will fit into these justifications and rationalizations and as soon as they arise, the addict takes advantage of the person, place or situation, all the while blaming that this was the reason that “caused” them to smoke. It is like the addict's version of the self fulfilling prophecy. Looking back, telling myself I was a hopeless addict was kind of a way out. After all, it's not my fault if I'm hopeless.

 

  Yet, when that responsibility shifts over and we see that it is ourselves and only ourselves that is responsible, we might not fully embrace this idea at first, because no longer can we blame anyone or anything for “causing” us to smoke. We realize that to justify or rationalize one reason is to open the door to justify and rationalizing any reason.  But that is actually the good news when it is embraced!

 

  This is why I think that educating oneself about this addiction is so key to not only freeing oneself from the prison of the physical addiction, but also the prison of the psychological addiction. It is my philosophy that through the years of ingesting nicotine causing a physical addiction, created  deeply rooted psychological beliefs in the cigarette based on fallacies.  Since nicotine addiction is based on the negative reinforcement principle (meaning continuing to do something to keep the negative effects of not doing it at bay), quitting smoking seems to reinforce these fallacies that the smoker believes.

 

  This again is why I think education is so important. It helps to remove these beliefs that until brought to light we might not even recognize we had. Yes, quitting smoking and stopping that behavior is good, but without a change of mind the person can go from one prison (being in the grip of addiction) to another prison (being free from the addiction, while still holding cherished beliefs that causes the person to feel they are giving the addiction up). The truth is, we are giving up nothing! We are getting rid of an absolutely absurd and useless addiction!

 

  But the thing with education is the applying of it. Information without application will not get one very far, for this is where the rubber meets the road. Education doesn't mean that a person will no longer have withdrawal symptoms, or craves, or thoughts when first quitting. The value lies in that we will have the knowledge and tools to be able to respond to these rather than merely becoming a reaction to them.

 

  It is so important to understand that quitting is temporary, the key word being TEMPORARY. Freedom is forever! It can seem scary to think that quitting smoking we'll just have to deal with these craves forever, but the truth is, the only people that will have craves forever are people that don't quit smoking! Yes, when we quit we go through withdrawal. Withdrawal then turns into craves, that turn into thoughts, that eventually turn into memories. Memories that we hold onto to remember how smoking really was and not what we want it to be.  

 

  To you newer quitters going through the transitional period or withdrawal and craves. I can tell you, this is not what it is like to be an ex-smoker, for it were, I wouldn't be here telling you this. I would be smoking myself. There are many things I have done in my life that I regret, but quitting smoking is not one of them! It is absolutely the best thing I have done for myself and it is the best thing that you can do for yourself!

 

  This addiction is absurd and it is absolutely useless. And to show you just how absurd and useless it is, I want you to imagine this. Since I have quit smoking I have not smoked 143,686 cigarettes. I have also not wasted almost $36,000.00 on cigarettes since I quit smoking.

 

  Now imagine this. If I had not quit smoking, I would have smoked 143,686 cigarettes! For what? To keep relieving the anxiety that the previous cigarette created! An anxiety that shouldn't have even been there in the first place! And I would have spent almost $36,000.00 (not counting inflation which would be much more these days) to do so! And where would I be? I would be getting ready to smoke my 143, 687th cigarette to relieve the withdrawal anxiety from my 143,686th cigarette, and on and on, on the hamster wheel it would have went. Is that not absurd?! 

 

And how useful is that to smoke all of those cigarettes and spend all that money to relieve withdrawal anxieties from smoking that smoking itself created in the first place?! It's insane really. Smoking gets you no where. It always ends up at the same point no matter how many cigarettes are smoked....it is always smoking the present cigarette to relieve the withdrawal anxieties of the previous cigarette.

 

  You will never find peace within the addiction, because addiction can never be satisfied, and what cannot be satisfied will never bring peace. It is a beast  with a voracious appetite that will keep taking and taking. This is not a pleasure, but a prison, but it is a prison in which you hold the key to escape!

 

  I urge you to read, read, and read some more.  Be patient with yourselves. This is truly a wonderful gift, sometimes it just takes a little time to unwrap it.

 

  And above all,

 

NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!!

 

Eric 


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#629777 What smoking feels like after a year off and relapsing.

Posted by kevtav on 28 August 2013 - 06:39 AM

Since I just broke my one year quit, I thought I would tell people my experience with smoking.

 

1) It feels gross. It smells gross.

 

2) Only about 6 cigarettes into a pack did I get any "light headed" effect that felt so good when you first start smoking, after that nothing same as an everyday smoker.

 

3) My body adjusted to it pretty much right away, even my super clean lungs took to it like I smoked yesterday, which is scary.

 

4) The effect is negligible, there really is NO difference between a cig now, and the last one I smoked a year ago.

 

5) It does absolutely nothing. There is no feeling of elation or calmness.

 

6) The addiction creeps in, but it feels like a voice which is telling my "screw it" like it's a vacation, which most likely is the addiction again, but it's hard to tell.

 

7) Knowing all this, and feeling sick smoking these things, I still want to grab one, but not like before. I'm not thinking of them as often. But that could be the lack of receptors in my brain from a year off though.

 

The main thing is that I totally see both sides now and realize it's actually doing NOTHING for me positive. Not even a good feeling. No relaxation or mindstate I couldn't get from a walk, or a piece of gum, or eating an apple. It's pretty stupid. I feel the difference in my body just after one day of relapsing, everything kinda feels poluted.

 

Let this be a lesson to those of you who think you are missing something. You aren't. Whatever you fantasize it to be it's not that.


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#860372 Chop Wood, Carry Water: Reflections After 10 years

Posted by Eric on 07 July 2014 - 11:22 AM

 There is an old Zen saying:

 

~ Before enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water.

 

   As I sit here reflecting on quitting smoking and life after smoking on my 10th year anniversary, I find that this journey has been truly miraculous and at the same time, extraordinarily ordinary.

 

   Those of you that have been here a while may know my story. Those of you who are newer, this is my story.

 

   I had tried to quit smoking so many times and so many different ways that I lost count. The only thing all of those quits had in common was that I was miserable each and every time and they all ended with me relapsing, thus validating what I already thought, which was that I was a hopeless addict who couldn't quit smoking.

 

  After all of these failed quit attempts, I thought I would give it one last shot, so with that, I slapped on a patch and tried once again. The first day was pretty bad, but somehow I was able to scratch my way through, but on the 2nd day I was having high anxiety and panic attacks that felt overwhelming. After suffering all morning, I decided before lunch time that  I couldn't do this and was giving up. I made the decision that when lunch came around, I was going to go across the street to the mini mart and buy a pack of cigarettes. Once again, I had come to the same conclusion. I was just too weak to quit smoking.

 

  So as lunch came, I started to make my way to the store. As I was walking though, I passed by one of the work's computers. Something told me to go to the computer and look for something on the internet to quit smoking. I decided to do so and  rationalized that I could look for some miracle pill to help me quit sometime in the future (if I was even going to attempt to quit again), that way I wouldn't feel so guilty for giving up and going to get cigarettes.

 

  I sat down and started searching and I quickly came upon a site called, "WhyQuit.com". My first thought was that the title was a bit patronizing. "Why quit?!!" I thought, "because I need to!!" Intrigued though, I clicked on it and began searching. I stumbled upon a post by John Polito called, " Have You Ever Embraced a Crave?"  and I began reading it. As I read the words talking about anxiety and asking how much do we feed this anxiety, I began to step back and look at how I was feeling at that moment with these panic attacks and anxiety. How much of it was me and how much of it was the actual withdrawal? I began to see that quite a bit of it was me! The penny dropped! My anxieties began to be replaced with hopeful excitement! I began reading Joel Spitzer's articles and thinking, " Yes, yes!! That's me! I do that! I think that!"

 

  I read the entire lunch time and I never made it to the store that day. It seems that I did find that "miracle pill", just not in the form I thought it would be.  In fact, I was so excited by the end of lunch time that I ripped off the patch right then. I'm not advocating anyone else to do any such thing, that is only what I did. I went home that night and read all night at WhyQuit.com. Within a couple of days, I signed up to be a member.

 

  The early days of my quit, I practically lived at WhyQuit.com. I read and re-read articles. I read other veteran member's posts and felt inspired by their words. Old Bob being one of my favorites. You may know his post here that has been re-titled, "Climbing the Rope".  I didn't post that much there though. I was more of a sponge soaking in all these new perspectives on smoking/quitting/ and life after smoking.

 

  Within about 6 months I wanted to chat with people about this new awesome freedom I had found, so I decided to go to a Nicotine Anonymous meeting. It was not what I expected and it was quite a somber experience. The people at the meeting didn't seem to share the same excitement I had about being free from this addiction. In fact, I was the last to speak and by that time I didn't really want to, but I did anyway and I shared my experiences and feelings about quitting. After the meeting a few people came up to talk to me and one person asked how I was able to be so positive and confident about quitting smoking. Before I could think, I blurted out, " I lost my fear about this addiction." I think both of us were a bit puzzled about this response. The person asked me what I meant by that, but I didn't know what to say, so I sheepishly just repeated myself. It was then that I began to ask the question, "Why out of all the times I tried to quit was I able to do it this time? What changed?" This is when I really began to think about that.

 

   Since the WhyQuit.com message board was set up to be all "business" I decided to see if there were other message boards a bit more casual. I found Quitsmoking.com and decided to join. It's funny, my first reply was to a lady that was struggling. I replied that she might want to go to WhyQuit.com and read some of the articles. Well that suggestion was met with replies that maybe I should take myself back to where I came from, along with some other derogatory remarks about WhyQuit.com. I replied to a couple of more posts, but thought that maybe this place wasn't for me, so I left.

 

   It was about 5 months later that on a whim I check out the message board again. I saw this hypnotherapist named Ralph creating quite a stir (a whole other conversation), so I joined in the conversations. I noticed people posting had certain questions and concerns that I felt some of Joel's articles would be extremely helpful in answering. I remember though the initial reaction I received the first time I came here, so I created an account under the nic, "UCanQuit" and would post an article that I felt was relevant to the question or concern. I thought that this way, if these articles were met with negative feedback like I experienced the first time I came here, "UCanQuit" would take the brunt of it, I would just quit posting them and that would be that.  This time around, these articles were met much more positively. I did this for a while until a few people accused Joel Spitzer of being UCanQuit, so I came clean that it was me.

 

  I still had that question in my head though, "What exactly changed that I was not only able to quit smoking, but fell in love with not smoking?" This is when I started to piece together my thoughts and started writing my own posts on quitting and life after smoking.  I spent years here, not because I needed to, to keep my quit, but because I wanted to help pay it forward for the miracle that was given me. I don't get to come here very often anymore. Life is pretty busy and there are new adventures, no to mention that I always seem to have a tough time signing on here.

 

  But as I look back to that day that I decided to sit at the computer at lunch time it truly felt/feels like a miracle, yet the journey that we call life kept chugging along. I remember when I first quit, I had all of these expectations about what life would be after quitting. It was going to be like this and like that, etc., etc. Life was going to be perfect!  Yet, after I quit smoking, I was hit with the very real fact that before quitting smoking, life happens. After quitting smoking life happens.

 

  Don't get me wrong, some of my expectations did come to fruition. And with the money I saved (over $36,000) I have been able to do a lot of wonderful things like go to Japan multiple times, I just got back from Hawaii not too long ago, I paid off my car, paid off my credit card debt and bought quite a few luxuries with money in the bank. I've also went back to college and got a degree, I learned a new language among other things.

 

  Yet the other side of life has happened too. Loved ones have died. Both me and my wife have been laid off of work. There was a time within about a 6 month period that I lost my mom, my step-dad (who was like a dad to me), my job, and both my pets.  We were at a point when financial uncertainty caused us to put our house on the market, because while we never missed a payment, things weren't looking so good at one point. Thankfully it all worked out.

 

  But through all the good times and the bad times in these last 10 years, there was and is one constant. I didn't/don't HAVE TO smoke through any of them. Whether I was/am happy, worried, excited, angry, or sad;  through these 10 years I have lived my life on my terms, not nicotine's. And for that I am very grateful.

 

I'm not sharing this anniversary here as some accomplishment, because after a certain amount of time, I'm not really doing anything. I didn't "make it" to 10 years, 10 years have simply passed since I quit smoking.  For me, not smoking is as natural as breathing and smoking is a complete non-issue in my life and it has been that way for many, many years. So I'm not proud that I quit smoking as so much as I am grateful to have been able to free myself  not only from this addiction, but my belief in this addiction. And that is what I hope for everyone here. I just hope to inspire that yes you can quit and stay quit!   

 

  

 This is something that I really want to stress to the newer quitters. I was a person who thought he was too weak to quit smoking. I thought I was different than other people, that while others could quit, I couldn't. This addiction was much too powerful for me to break free of.  I really thought all of these things. Before that miraculous day, I had pretty much resigned to the fact that not only was I going to die a smoker, but there was a good chance that I would die from smoking. What changed for me was the realization that I didn't necassarily need to be stronger, but smarter, and with that understanding it gave me strength.

 

  And when I first quit smoking I had questions, concerns, doubts, and even a certain amount of fear. Like everyone else, I went through withdrawal. I had to deal with those pesky craves and I had the thoughts to smoke too. Even when that penny dropped and my outlook on quitting changed, I still had all those years of conditioning from addiction to go through.

 

  So my question is, are any of these things I mentioned happening to you? Do you have similar thoughts? Doubts? Maybe you also have questions and are a little scared about this journey into the unknown? It's OK. I just want to say, it's OK. But just have faith in yourself that you can do this. As MLK jr. once said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."

 

  So what changed? Quite simply, my mind did. I changed my mind about smoking. I once read a woman say that fear is only misguided faith. And for me, that misguided faith was in the cigarette. It was the belief that the cigarette did something for me rather than to me. Taking back my belief that I held in the cigarette and putting that belief within myself changed everything.

 

  And so before quitting smoking, chop wood, carry water. After quitting smoking, chop wood, carry water. I think what I have found is that the miraculous lies within the ordinary. Life wasn't perfect before I quit smoking and life hasn't been perfect since I quit smoking. The miraculous doesn't lie in life now being perfect, but experiencing all the imperfections of life without the need to smoke being so very ordinary. It is natural. And for a former heavy smoker like myself, it is that which is miraculous. 

 

 

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#855986 This is for the newbies and the ones that are almost falling off the wagon...

Posted by Walt on 27 June 2014 - 03:42 AM

I was one of those guys that everyone thought that I would never quit smoking. I started when I was 14 and smoked for 50 years. I tried many times to quit. I now realize that I was never really committed to my quit. God had to hit me over the head many times before I finally stopped for good.

 

I got bladder cancer...peed pure blood and it scared the crap out of me. Did I quit?...no. I had a heart attack...died and was brought back from a blockage caused by smoking. Did I quit?...no. I was diagnosed with emphysema and was going through terrible coughing bouts. (still am) Did I quit?...no. I was told that I have an Aortic Anurism ...it's a swelling of the lower part of your heart, that if it is not curtailed, will lead to your heart exploding and, I think you can guess the outcome. Did I quit?...no.

 

Last year, my wife of 30 years was dying of cancer...breast cancer that came back from when she was 32. I was going out into the garage to smoke when it was -20 in Minnesota where I live. One day, I had this thought about what my wife was going through, all the signs that I had been given and I was like....Hey!...What the hell are you doing?!?

 

That was June 11th of 2013...I stopped the next day and went through some really bad withdrawal from nicotine addiction for weeks. Everyday, I would tell myself that , yes...this hurts, but it's better than dying, right? And it was! Once I got past the initial pain of withdrawal, it was easy. People said that you will actually get to the point where you don't even think about smoking. I thought BS, but they were right.

 

I know that some of you have mentioned special circumstances during your quit that put strain on you and made it difficult. I quit on June 12, 2013. A few months prior, my close friend died of oral cancer due to smoking. My Father-In-Law died on August 4, 2013 and I flew down to his funeral in Florida on a Friday night. I flew back on that Sunday afternoon to find that my wife was so far gone that she needed hospice care immediately. She passed away the following Friday morning. A month later, her cousin committed suicide and her other cousin was diagnosed with Lukemia. I could go on with many more stories that have happened since I quit, but that is life.

 

When you decide to save your life, nothing...NOTHING can stop you. Life goes on with all of its heartbreaks and tragedies. Decide to live out your life and see where it will go. Only you have the power to do that.

 

If I can do this....you CAN do this!

 

Love, Walt

 

 

 


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#738940 I would be willing to die for......

Posted by REZ on 26 January 2014 - 12:25 PM

I would be willing to die to stop a suicide  bomber from reaching his target.

 

I would be willing to die to save anyone from a burning building.

 

I would be willing to die to save anyone from being hit by an out of control car.

 

I would be willing to die to save anyone from being held hostage.

 

I would be willing to die to save any family members life.

 

I would be willing to die to save anyone from drowning in freezing waters.

 

I would be willing to die to save any child from dying from anything.

 

I would be willing to die to save someone from being mugged or beaten.

 

I would be willing to die to save a damsel in distress.

 

I would be willing to die for my country.

 

I would be willing to die to save my friends life.

 

I would be willing to die to save a strangers life.

 

I would be willing to die so someone else could live

 

BUT

 

I am not willing to die for a cigarette!

 

 

Dedicated to Colleen for yesterdays post - C.O.P.D.

Made me remember why we are here!


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#729174 Sad, but so grateful...

Posted by Jeni on 16 January 2014 - 11:48 PM

Hi Everyone...

I haven't been around as much as usual lately. I spent last week with my Dad and step-Mom in Florida, and their internet wasn't the best. I felt like I was having to break another addiction being away from you guys! :)

There are so many wonderful "newbies" here, and I wish you all success! It's your choice as to whether you make it or not, and I have great hope for each of you to remain smoke-free for a lifetime!

A little background, since so many are new. My step-sister, Debbee, was diagnosed with lung cancer at the end of March 2013. That spurred me to quit a week later with the help of a hypnotist. I lurked around this board for months, and finally introduced myself 3 months into my quit. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that the people here made all the difference in my solidifying my decision never to smoke again. I am so grateful for each of you.

Debbee died on December 11. She was 52. She fought like hell, but couldn't beat the cancer once it progressed to her brain.

Last week, I helped my Dad go through Debbee's things. It's amazing what our lives get reduced to. I know that I have changed my mind forever about "saving" things. Use it now, and enjoy it, or get rid of it!

The past couple of days, I have felt an almost unbearable sadness. I am a little bit surprised by it, as I wasn't especially close to this side of my family for most of my life. It actually amazes me how they were used to have such a huge impact on the rest of my life...could never have predicted that.

Here's the thing...as sad as I've been, and despite the tears that have fallen, I have never once, for even a second, considered smoking a cigarette. I am so grateful and blessed to finally be free from this horrible addiction. I will continue to have problems, sadness, loss, etc. for as long as I live. But I will never see smoking as an answer, and I am so grateful that I can say for sure that I will never smoke again.

I'm no special snowflake. If you are in the first hour, or day, or week, or month of your quit, this can be you, too. All you have to do is N.O.P.E. Or, as some are fond of saying, don't put things in your mouth and set them on fire.

Blessings to all of you, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for how you have been there for me since I've been here.

XO,
Jeni
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#639384 In Defense of Tough Love

Posted by Craig on 17 September 2013 - 12:31 AM

We are nicotine addicts. We've wasted years, decades even, of our lives on this stupid addiction. We've lost loved ones to cigarettes. Our health has suffered. Some of us, even though we've quit, are STILL GOING TO DIE from smoking. We've spent more money on cigarettes than just about anything else in our lives. 

 

Most of us are here because we recognize this forum will help us beat our addiction. We are FIGHTING FOR OUR LIVES here! This is SERIOUS! 

 

There have been far too many relapses on this forum lately. There have been far too many people trying to justify their relapses and then get angry when their FELLOW ADDICTS give them s*** about it. And for crying out loud, if you want to leave the forum because you are upset then JUST STOP POSTING. There's no need to delete your account or even worse, go into full drama queen mode to post a "I'm leaving" thread. Just go. No drama. 

 

Newbies (that includes those that have recently relapsed) need to realize something. You are SCREWED IN THE HEAD! I mean that in the nicest way possible but I do mean it. Your brain chemistry is all jacked up. Your mind is in panic mode because something it was tricked into thinking it needed is no longer there. I think it's the same thing for those with established quits that drop their guard and start romanticizing cigarettes(myself included). If we get lazy for a moment the junkie thinking can start right back again. 

 

A few people don't like the "tough love" type of support some members here provide. I think we need more of it! I am an ADDICT fighting for my LIFE! Sugarcoating my failures and telling me anything other than the cold hard truth does me zero good. 

 

In Army Basic Training we were treated like crap by the drill sergeants at first . We were yelled at, deprived of sleep, treated like children, cursed at, etc. It made life miserable. We began as undisciplined civilians. We were torn down then rebuilt as highly trained soldiers. Basic Training was not fun. My feelings were hurt more than once. BUT, when all was said and done, I emerged a stronger, better person. 

 

This forum is like Basic Training in a way. We come here as smokers, or newly quit. We undergo a transformation here. We become nonsmokers. That journey may require some tough love or a few whacks with a big stick. Take it for what it is....people that CARE about your life trying to get YOU to care about your OWN life. Or, you can get upset, leave the forum and then go smoke a cigarette.

 

I know which path I am going to chose. What about you? 

 

 


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#1189872 Reasons I love our Message Board and why I get emotional.

Posted by Dianecz on 04 March 2017 - 06:37 PM

I found QSMB when I had been quit for 6 weeks, how I wish I had discovered it on day one. The first few weeks of any quit are difficult to say the least, but I had so many weird things going on, I didn't know what was quit related and what wasn't, at times I felt I was about to spontaneously combust !

 

I found other web sites, message groups, forums etc. but they just weren't right, they were too stuffy, or looked complicated or seemed too formal and scary, and I didn't want scary because I was terrified of the big step I was taking, to quit cold turkey after 42 years, so, I have decided to randomly list why I think this message board, our message board is the best in the world, I hope you can add some other reasons too.

 

1: Everyone is friendly, probably because we are all in it together, we all know that we are going through, or been through together.

 

2: I adore the way we welcome Newbies and make them instantly feel at home with us. I love the way we offer them knowledge, support, lots of hugs, sympathy, encouragement, education, friendliness and  feelings of safety and security.

 

3: I feel immensely proud of our newbies, that they very soon have the confidence to offer support and knowledge to other people who join us, even in the very first few days of their quit. I love watching them develop, this makes me quite emotional.

 

4: I find the way we bond to be unlike any other bonding situation, I think it is the realisation that no one here is going to judge them, we have all been used to being judged during our smoking years,almost all of us were ashamed to smoke, many of us have been secret smokers, but on our message board we can be ourselves. Before I quit I would avoid even talking about smoking, I was so much in denial, and I was permanently ashamed. Here we can talk about every dreadful detail of smoking and our smoking history.

 

5: We are quitters, whether we have been quit for years or hours we are all addicts who are determined to rid our bodies of lethal chemicals that will, one way or another, kill us if we continue to smoke.

 

6: I love the diversity of the members. People from all different walks of life, different countries, different ages, all with interesting stories, all with different personalities, I love the way we all get to know one another, and the way friendships are made. The camaraderie is fantastic and so much fun

 

7: The SOS system is beyond belief and has stopped many people losing their quit.We all have wobbles when giving up smoking, but for the times we simply cant cope on our own, our wonderful members will drop everything to help their peers.

 

I get emotional because this board has been here for me, we have sad times when one of our friends become ill, and we have fun times when we celebrate milestones with each other. There is respect and gratitude and achievement.

This should perhaps have been posted on the gratitude thread, but I just wanted to say thank you to all for the amazing web site we all have had a little input in creating,

Love to you all xxx 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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#1260027 The old phartes have been right.....every step of the way

Posted by Lin-quitting on 20 September 2017 - 12:26 AM

They said:

(1) that quitting was possible. I didn't really believe it. I am 60 years old and have (HAD!) been smoking heavily for 42 years. I was the typical "but I LOOOOVE smoking, I'm more addicted than everyone else" blah blah smoker. Well, here I am, 6 1/2 months clean. They were right: you CAN quit!

(2) that being a contributing member of QSMB would be an important part of a successful quit. Oh my yes! The information and education I have found on here, the help and motivation I have found on here, the validation I have found on here, and even the friendships I feel I have made on here.....not just important, but essential to where I am today. I will forever be grateful to QSMB and the people on here for helping to give me my life back. Old phartes right again!

(3) that it gets easier if you will just hang tough. Of course in month 1 everyone thinks they're gonna die from this, and nothing will ever be easy or good again. And then my months 4 and 5 freaked me out because I though it should be getting easier and it was rougher than ever.....but in month 7 really I'm sailing along and all I have to do is remember every day that NOPE is my life now. It's not that hard anymore. Chalk another one up for the old phartes.

(4) that one day smoking will just be something I used to do, nothing I even think much about most days. I'm not there yet - but I think I can see it in the distance. Since the old phartes have been so right so far, I'm just gonna believe them on this one too. I'm gonna keep believing and living the NOPE life, and believe that eventually smoking will mean nothing more to me than something gross I stupidly used to do.

 

Thanks to all the old phartes who hang around here giving their time and expertise and inspiration to we newbies!


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