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Psychological transformation - PLEASE Help!


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#1 peacefarm

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 07:34 PM

Greetings, 
 
I'm a 31 year old male who desperately wants to quit smoking, but the "transformation" that I will talk about next, is hindering my will to do so.  I've decided to join you all and share my experience as I am really at my wits end.  I FEEL I can't quit, yet my body is begging for me to stop.  
 
Let me explain...
 
I started smoking almost 15 years ago.  My habit quickly became a pack a day.  It wasn't until I tried quitting almost ten years later that I realized my "true self" came out whenever I did quit.  This "true self" came with TREMENDOUS benefits, ranging from more physical energy, to simply being a better person, with much more compassion and understanding for others.  My anxiety melts away, my senses came back to life.  
 
All great right?
 
I thought so until my Mother unexpectedly passed a year ago and I tried to quit and realized that this "higher awareness" guy that comes out when I quit, started getting extremely emotional as memories rushed back.  Sure, higher levels of oxygen etc help you feel better once you quit, but I'm talking about feeling like I have to RELEARN how to live! I'm SCARED, yet oddly excited to live this "new and improved" life, but honestly sometimes feel handicapped, both physically and emotionally.  
 
When I light up, it takes to a realm of "known" - a crappy feeling at best, but at least I KNOW what it feels like and know how I will feel.  When I quit, I feel EVERYTHING has a new (positive) meaning, almost as if someone changed the soundtrack to my life (if that makes sense).  
 
 I have INCREDIBLE (healthy) confidence, food tastes better, I feel like I can get more things done, my brain actually works better and is at it's "peak power", I eat better, I exercise, I  don't stink of smoke, I save a ton of money, I'm more responsible, I require less sleep ............. I mean that's only a FEW of the benefits I personally find whenever I quit.  BUT! The "higher awareness" brings with it a lot of fear of the unknown, fear that I have to learn how to live and function in society again.  
 
I've searched the ends of the net to find other people who are going through something similar .... I don't want to feel this alone on this journey.  I'm looking for help and for someone to explain what actually could be happening.  I thank you all in advance for sticking out reading this post and sorry for how disorganized it is, I really just plopped my thoughts as they came to mind.  
 
I FEEL I'VE BEEN IN A COMA FOR 15 YEARS AND NOW JUST SLOWLY WAKING UP - I'M EXCITED, BUT SCARED - PLEASE HELP! 
 
Have a blessed day!
 
JD 
 


#2 GraceLove

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 07:56 PM

I think a lot of people get this rush of excitement...life IS different as a nonsmoker. In reality, that new, excited feeling fades. Even without the wonderful buzz of newness, life lived without a cloud of smoke is so much better.


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#3 marciem

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 08:03 PM

Hi there JD,

 

Actually, what you are describing is exactly what most/all of us have gone through in the early days of quitting.  Extreme emotions, whether triggered by past suppressed memories or "just because we're mad as hell" for no particular reason... that's part of the early quit emotionalism and withdrawal from nicotine.  It really is normal, and it is really something you just have to go through to get through.

 

All those bad things you describe... temporary.  It may seem like they are lasting forever and a day, but once you learn to live your life as a nonsmoker, they will fade .

 

The benefits you name?  Permanent!!  They'll always be with you and grow more and more each day/week/month/year you're a nonsmoker.

 

So tighten your seat belt, hang on tight, it might be a bumpy ride at first but the most important step is the first one... and then the one after that... and the one after that... ad infinitum :)

 

You'll do great, and get there... as long as you do not smoke!!  (it sounds like you have had more than one trip on the merry-go-round?)

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S.moking is N.ot an O.ption T.oday
Better to be a nonsmoker with an occasional desire to smoke, than a smoker with a constant desire to quit.
Remember: everything bad about quitting is temporary, and everything good about quitting is permanent. TimidTulip
Not a day will ever go by that life is 100% perfect. But 100% of the days are better not smoking jwg
I feel no matter my outcome, quitting was still hands down the best thing I ever did....r.i.p. jwg 12/28/13
Like John, no matter my own outcome, quitting smoking is hands down the best thing I've ever done... mlm 2/16/17

#4 Jillar

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 08:07 PM

Welcome peacefarm, I think you're wayyyyy over thinking it. You don't have to relearn anything. Life and society will still be the same but you don't smoke anymore. You've listed lots of great benefits so be happy for those. Post, vent and read, read read. This place has all the people and info you could ask for to stay quit.
And I'm very sorry for the loss of your mother....
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QuitWe say here that it is better to be a nonsmoker with the occasional desire to smoke than a smoker with the constant desire to quit. Marciem
Always keep in mind, you are not going through this because you quit...you are going through this because you smoked. Nancy
Being successful doesn't mean that you'll never GET to smoke again. It means that you'll never HAVE to smoke again.


#5 Frank

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 08:17 PM

Nothing to be scared off here peacefarm, jump in and redo your life !  The improvement is well worth the effort.

 

Welcome to QSMB.


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Nov 6, 2011 I decided " I had enough with this sh*t "

I quit because I just got tired of the life under a rock, dark and with not enough air to breathe waiting for the day to get crushed!

Alcohol to a quit is like Kryptonite to Superman

Stop, Think and then React. Not React,Stop and then Think

Practice does not make it perfect, makes it permanent. Practice the right things!

Quitting is by far the best decision for the rest of your life.

If a Doctor gives you 6 months to live, would you start living after the first three? Quit now!

" I am a puff away form a pack a day"

Once you stop puffing or having Nicotine in any form, then and only then your symptoms will stop.

I quit with a frozen turkey. Once I felt comfortable with my quit,  I ate it.

Life is such a good teacher, that if you don't learn the lesson it will repeat it to you.

 

 

 


#6 MissyCat

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 08:29 PM

Hi there JD,
 
Actually, what you are describing is exactly what most/all of us have gone through in the early days of quitting.  Extreme emotions, whether triggered by past suppressed memories or "just because we're mad as hell" for no particular reason... that's part of the early quit emotionalism and withdrawal from nicotine.  It really is normal, and it is really something you just have to go through to get through.
 
All those bad things you describe... temporary.  It may seem like they are lasting forever and a day, but once you learn to live your life as a nonsmoker, they will fade .
 
The benefits you name?  Permanent!!  They'll always be with you and grow more and more each day/week/month/year you're a nonsmoker.
 
So tighten your seat belt, hang on tight, it might be a bumpy ride at first but the most important step is the first one... and then the one after that... and the one after that... ad infinitum :)
 
You'll do great, and get there... as long as you do not smoke!!  (it sounds like you have had more than one trip on the merry-go-round?)
keUQkTK.gif


Exactly what Marcie said! I couldn't say it better. Just do it Peacefarm! You will love the new non smoking you, and so will your friends and family. You can do this....one day, one nope at a time!
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#7 peacefarm

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 08:41 PM

Thank you all for the encouraging words and for making me feel like I'm not alone.  Please keep them coming! 

 

I'm just sitting here at my desk gazing outside looking at the trees and feeling incredible happiness and joy, along with gratitude.  Smoking always masked the simple pleasures of life ... 


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#8 Lin-quitting

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Posted 20 April 2017 - 09:22 PM

I hope you join us peacefarm. Just pick a quit date and do the thing. You'll be a different person? You'll be a different wonderfully better person. I can tell from your post that you realize this.

 

This is a fantastic support forum, the people are kind and compassionate and knowledgeable and WANT us all to succeed. I can't imagine doing my Quit without them.

 

Jump on in, the water's fine!.....okay, often the water is choppy, and over my head, and cold, and wave-tossed.....but it's all worth it! Like you said, a life without smoking is a joyous thing!


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                   "I didn't come this far to only come this far."

 

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I want my life back.

I WANT MY LIFE BACK!

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#9 green meenie

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 12:00 AM

Hi peacefarm!!

So I read then re-read your post because I wasn't quite sure what the issue was you are having but it seems you're concerned about how you will function as a person in your new smoke-free life after you decide to quit? That is a valid issue in a way because smoking and all the activities that go along with smoking touches virtually every part of our life so, as a non-smoker, we do have to discover ways to fill all this now idle time we suddenly find we have on our hands. In some cases, we also have to develop new social associations too if old ones revolved solely around smoking. But, once you are quit for some period of time, you will find your way in your new smoke-free life. It will just happen and the best part will be the excitement you'll feel discovering those new activities to fill your time productively. Take some time to read the posts from people here who have been quit for years. You'll discover nothing but positive comments about how their lives have changed. That's one of the great benefits of being a member of a community like this. You get to pick the brains of so many others who are going through the same thing you are. It's a great tool to use during your quit. Ask a question and every time, someone else has experienced that same thing.

 

Reading through your post, I couldn't help but notice that virtually everything your were saying about how you felt when your were not smoking was positive - very positive except for your concern about how to adjust to your life as a non-smoker. So, what's wrong with that? All those good things are the benefits we look forward to when we quit! You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I say go for it and never look back. The adjustment might be tough at times but wouldn't it be worse to stay a smoker and feel terrible both physically and mentally because you never challenged yourself to quit and adjust to life as a non-smoker.

 

Hope to see you around here later on as you take control of this addiction and your life again:)


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#10 0zone

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 05:40 AM

I remember when I first stopped smoking I would overthink everything. Thank God I don't anymore, I think I would have driven myself crazy.

 

You are overthinking things, plain and simple. You know the benefits of not smoking and you acknowledge that it's a great thing to do but your addiction is scrambling around trying to find SOMETHING/ANYTHING to cling to to keep you smoking (I like to call them QUITSCUSES). 

 

You can stop smoking. Stopping is not like lifting a car above your head. It is actually possible, not impossible. You need to retrain your brain and to do so I recommend reading Allen Carr's book if you haven't already. You will realise your irrational fear of stopping smoking is not something you are alone in. We have all been there, trust me.

 

You are only 4 years younger than me and I found quitting a lot easier than some of the more seasoned members here who still find every day a struggle because they smoked a lot longer. Stop stuffing around and stop now while you have time on your side. Every year you leave it it's going to get harder. 


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#11 neverstopdoing

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 07:49 AM

Hello peacefarm, I think you will do fine.I know it's hard and scary as hell but sometimes doing what scares you is the most rewarding.

Trust me, I've been where you are....still am in some ways. I've been smoke free for 72 hours now and it's in large part thanks to the people you will meet here. They will encourage you and will tell you the things that are hard to hear. It helps so much.

I wish you the best and hope you keep posting here.
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#12 JimHannoonen

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Posted 21 April 2017 - 03:44 PM

You pretty much sound like every other lunatic in here that's recently quit smoking, you just used a lot more words to express it. ;)

 

You pointed out all the positives of smoking. Focus on all that and do it.

 

My .02


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#13 giveintowin

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 10:39 PM

Where did he go? 


Quit date Thursday 8th June. 2017, 10.10am AEDT.

 

It is a relief to not be killing myself slowly. Every day I don't smoke I am getting stronger.


#14 peacefarm

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 10:50 PM

Where did he go? 

 

I'm here.  Do you have anything you'd like to add before I reply? 



#15 giveintowin

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Posted 22 April 2017 - 10:59 PM

I'm here.  Do you have anything you'd like to add before I reply? 

 

I asked where you are because you haven't posted on any other threads but his one. 


Quit date Thursday 8th June. 2017, 10.10am AEDT.

 

It is a relief to not be killing myself slowly. Every day I don't smoke I am getting stronger.


#16 peacefarm

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 06:25 AM

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude and appreciation for all of you taking the time to share your experiences with me.  

 

This is certainly not my first rodeo, but I'm on my first 24 hours.  Nothing new to report aside for just a lot of LOVE and APPRECIATION for people around me and for life itself. 

 

Thank you all again! 

 

Blessings, 

 

JD


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