- Helps Our Economy
The wonderful people who work for the big tobacco companies had no clue in the early 20th century that smoking was bad and killed people. So let's give them an open-ended pass to continue to murder people while making billions in the process. And don't forget, smoking also creates more customers for the mortuary industry. (Please ignore the fact that smoking costs the world economy over 1 TRILLION dollars a year according to the World Health Organization and National Cancer Institute).
- Smoking is Cool
It helps the dorky kids seem trendy and relevant. If not for smoking, they would have a harder time finding a clique. They potentially might even have to participate in a physical activity or a scholastic club to occupy the time they would otherwise spend smoking.
- Smoking Makes Television More Enjoyable
Smoking raises the mortality rate. The reason this is good is because if people lived longer there would be a lot more Hoveround and Stair-Assist commercials. Not to mention the "Help, I've fallen and can't get up" ad.
- Tobacco Plants are Pretty
Okay, okay. Maybe that doesn't outweigh the fact that 5% of deforestation is attributed to tobacco growth and curing. But let's not get too fussy.