It can be downright exhausting to maintain my quit. I'm doing it, I'm just ticked that I ever started. I was 18 years old. My friends had all been smoking for years and I was the hold-out. My mom was the school psych and I was totally anti-smoking. And it was my big brother that gave me my first smoke! (Ironically, he quit in college and decided he didn't want to die young after all). And I know that I CHOSE to smoke it, but I'm STILL irritated with him to this day! (He also gave me my first beer...I puked up my retainer and stepped on it....20 yrs later, I still have a tiny gap between my two front teeth). AGAIN...I know it's my own fault, but he was the WORST influence EVER! And I KNOW it's my own fault, but it still bothers me that he was able to just give it up so quickly! He smoked for maybe a year, that's it. Mind you, he's still battling demons. His wife has a serious 'black out in mid conversation' drinking problem and chain smokes like crazy, but he just keeps hanging in there. He's been able to turn it all off without batting an eye, while those around him cave. There's times it just bothers me. Like if he'd just not kept offering me smokes all those years ago and was a GOOD big brother, maybe I wouldn't be in this mess! I mean, he was HARDCORE about it! It was constant and the TAUNTING. It never ended. He and his pals made fun of me SOOOO badly for being 'goodie goodie'. They were the crowd that got their jollies bringing down those around them. So how come HE gets to go on as if it meant nothing, no harm, no foul?????
Sorry, I know I'm making excuses but I don't give a crap! I've got a 14 year old son, now being pressured to smoke by the 'Junior Smokers of America Club'. Mind you, he's constantly have his drug levels checked for his Epilepsy meds & I told him I would know the second nicotine showed up in his blood. But does that even matter...I was sooooooo ANTI-SMOKING, it was nuts! And I caved right?!?!?
Anyway, I just wanted to vent that. I woke up ticked off this morning. I had glanced at a pic of my brother smiling and holding my nephew. The man makes more money than God now, in finance. It made me ILL! I know...you'll say jealousy, I'll say WHERE'S the FREAKIN KARMA???? I'm going through hell and high water and he's just smooth sailing along! All those times I said NO to those dang cancer sticks.....started offering them was I was 13....Held out FIVE YEARS! DAILY!
Thanks Brotha! You Suck!
ok: sorry...I had to get that out of my system...I wish I could say it to him, but I can't....cuz it's my own dang fault!