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Agitated and Annoyed...


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#1 rainyseason1975

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:28 AM

It can be downright exhausting to maintain my quit. I'm doing it, I'm just ticked that I ever started.  I was 18 years old.  My friends had all been smoking for years and I was the hold-out. My mom was the school psych and I was totally anti-smoking. And it was my big brother that gave me my first smoke! (Ironically, he quit in college and decided he didn't want to die young after all). And I know that I CHOSE to smoke it, but I'm STILL irritated with him to this day! (He also gave me my first beer...I puked up my retainer and stepped on it....20 yrs later, I still have a tiny gap between my two front teeth). AGAIN...I know it's my own fault, but he was the WORST influence EVER! And I KNOW it's my own fault, but it still bothers me that he was able to just give it up so quickly! He smoked for maybe a year, that's it.  Mind you, he's still battling demons. His wife has a serious 'black out in mid conversation' drinking problem and chain smokes like crazy, but he just keeps hanging in there. He's been able to turn it all off without batting an eye, while those around him cave. There's times it just bothers me.  Like if he'd just not kept offering me smokes all those years ago and was a GOOD big brother, maybe I wouldn't be in this mess! I mean, he was HARDCORE about it! It was constant and the TAUNTING. It never ended. He and his pals made fun of me SOOOO badly for being 'goodie goodie'. They were the crowd that got their jollies bringing down those around them. So how come HE gets to go on as if it meant nothing, no harm, no foul????? 

 

Sorry, I know I'm making excuses but I don't give a crap! I've got a 14 year old son, now being pressured to smoke by the 'Junior Smokers of America Club'. Mind you, he's constantly have his drug levels checked for his Epilepsy meds & I told him I would know the second nicotine showed up in his blood. But does that even matter...I was sooooooo ANTI-SMOKING, it was nuts! And I caved right?!?!? 

 

Anyway, I just wanted to vent that. I woke up ticked off this morning. I had glanced at a pic of my brother smiling and holding my nephew. The man makes more money than God now, in finance. It made me ILL! I know...you'll say jealousy, I'll say WHERE'S the FREAKIN KARMA???? I'm going through hell and high water and he's just smooth sailing along!  All those times I said NO to those dang cancer sticks.....started offering them was I was 13....Held out FIVE YEARS! DAILY! 

 

 Thanks Brotha! You Suck!

 

 

ok: sorry...I had to get that out of my system...I wish I could say it to him, but I can't....cuz it's my own dang fault!

 

 

 


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#2 lizasaidwot

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:34 AM

oh my :wacko: btw im still slightly upset with my sisters for putting me in a dryer ;)


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we are all horribly, beautifully made


#3 rainyseason1975

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:38 AM

oh my :wacko: btw im still slightly upset with my sisters for putting me in a dryer ;)

My brother put me in the dog cage :( Then put his combination lock on it.....and...there it goes again...the AGITATION! I think I need to hide all of his photos from  myself.


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#4 lizasaidwot

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:39 AM

write him a nasty letter n mail to it someone else with his name who lives far away :)


we are all horribly, beautifully made


#5 action

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:40 AM

Yep, some people can quit 'too easily' lol.  My friend who started me smoking decided to stop one day and that was it.  And I was left smoking by myself..  I KNOW it's my own fault as well, but it's rational to blame someone else; Hell, it sometimes helps to blame someone else (whatever gets you through).

 

All you have to remember is that you are just having a 'bad morning', but you are doing something good, and there will be less and less 'bad mornings' until there are only 'good mornings'.


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Class of Fall/Autumn Quitters 2013

#6 Angelsparkles

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:42 AM

At the risk of sounding like a counsellor (!), why don't you write a letter to your brother, detailing everything that you are angry with him about, sign it, seal it, then burn it. It really does lay it to rest :cool:



#7 smokinggone

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:55 AM

I definitely suggest you talk to him face to face because he may not know that he was the cause for your smoking in the first place.

 

When he hears you, he either will come up with some thing to help you with, or just say sorry, which would make you feel much better. 

 

The longer you keep it to yourself and let it brew, the higher your desire to smoke. 

 

It is good to pour it out here in this forum, but it will make it go completely. 

 

Face or get faced with the problem directly is the way to deal with such emotional aspect of life.

 

That's my 2 cents. Hope it helps.



#8 Sgt.Sausage

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 11:58 AM

Yep, some people can quit 'too easily' lol. 

 

What is this 'too easily' of which you speak?

 

The Sarge does not understand ...

 

:cool:

 

Easy Peasy


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Pack-and-a-half a day for 27+ years.
Cold Turkey: 17 November 2011 (The Great American Smokeout, 2011 )
The Sarge traded smoking for running. PRs: 3:59:57(26.2) 1:44:10(13.1) 40:23(10k) 33:03(5-mile) 19:04 (5k) 11:59(2-mile) 5:34(1-mile)

 

"I have said from day one – 'I did not quit to save my life, I quit to spend it better'

And this I have accomplished." -- Just John (jwg), Knight of Honor of The QSMB

 


#9 addictedfool

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 12:00 PM

There is nothing like a touching story of sibling love first thing in the morning. Tirades are good for getting those little unresolved issues to the surface. Hope that you're feeling better now.

 

Apparently, we all may have to deal with a few issues after quitting. Best of luck with that.



#10 rainyseason1975

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 12:19 PM

I thought of all of that...writing him a letter...etc....but I almost felt like he got 'his'...he's the one who got his wife hardcore drinking when they were in college. And of course...once he graduated...no more drinking....his wife?....let's just say to find the butter in their fridge...you have to navigate the dozens of vodka bottles.

 

And see.....that's just it! He was one of those party people that could get the world around them completely addicted and then walk away scott free! Thankfully, drinking was never my thing. A glass a wine on New Years and Christmas and I'm good.  It just seems unfair though, that  he's not in anyway having to undo years of damage to his body??? Not that I want him sick, but he honestly was an awful influence to those around him.  I don't see how the simple process of 'aging', gets to wipe the slate clean.


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#11 1day@atime

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 01:36 PM

Just remember that you are in the middle of quitting smoking.  You are going to be agitated and hate many people.  People will annoy the s*** out of you.  Especially the people who "quit too easily".  I would wait to talk to him until you have gotten a hold of your frustration.  I was fighting nonstop with my husband and saying horrible things to him last week.  Then this week the things I thought he was doing so wrong seem alright again.  It seems like you have a lot of anger at him for him being an ass as a kid.  Remember, he was a kid too and probably feels bad for being an ass.  Unless he never fully recovered;).  He seems to be an enabler which sucks for sure.  Give yourself credit!  You are doing this and really well too.  If today you woke up mad just go with it.  Be mad, be angry and get annoyed because tomorrow you might feel great and it was all just a step of the quit.

 

 

You are doing it!  Keep it up and don't worry about being angry and irritated.  We are all angry and irritated.  LOL



#12 kinkash

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 01:40 PM

It's ok...vent or post as you need....anything to KTQ!
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When the student is ready...The teacher will appear-Soul
Fear of the quit is worse than the quit-Cookielinda
When you stop buying cig......You start paying for your addiction - jwg

Smoking is not some friend that brings you comfort. It is the Enemy that wants to kill you!


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#13 jimmy009

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 01:41 PM

hang in there i know it can be tuf at frist but you doing his for you  and your family   so stick with it ok


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#14 rainyseason1975

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Posted 30 October 2013 - 02:29 PM

Thanks for letting me rant...I guess I just don't get it. And I'm probably more then a little worried about my kids going through the same pressures.  They're right at that age. Mind u...my smoking had a much bigger implication for them, than anyone else! I get that.  If I could take it back, I would. All the sneaking into the garage....and I KNOW they smelled it on me! All the times I told them I quit, then I'd sneak them on the side of the house, so they wouldn't find me in the garage :(  My 12 yr old daughter had to be the most affected.  Almost daily she said she didn't want me to die. Two of her friends lost their mother's this year. One to breast cancer, one to ovarian.  She's terrified she won't have a mommy.  God...I love that kid <3 And contrary to what I post on here...I say nothing to those around me. I just keep trucking along. And when she walks in the door today, she'll say "Mom...you didn't smoke did you?", and I'll say "NOPE...easiest thing ever!".....


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